singh is loosing

vaheguruoojikakhalsa vaheguruoojikifateh ji

sangat a friend of mine has a problem

he thinks of a person when he do naam/gurbaani abyaaas and the person also know about it that my friend had/has feeling for this person. even at kirtan darbar when they are in the same hall he dont looks up only looks at the ground but still he got this problem he dont talk to the person look either ..

maybe the sangat could give me an advice for my friend

vaheguruoojikakhalsa vaheguruoojikifateh ji

Emotions are very powerful and I don't think it does any good to try to repress them. We can only deal with our mind through naam/gurbani abhiyaas. Whatever feelings a person has can be good if we use them to focus on Guru Sahib - so if he takes those feelings and puts them into his abhiyaas, I think it would really help. I can think of no better way to explain this... it just takes practice, which I don't have nearly enough of to explain this properly.

What kinds of feelings? If something is bothering him, he should discuss it. If it's something like infatuation, then he'll get over it with time. If it's something really serious then he should try to find out what's causing it etc.

Tell your friend to pray to God and ask for help.

When doing Naam Abhyaas, any thought other than Naam is a thought of Maya and such thought should be forcefully pushed out. When we have the weapon of Naam with us, then we need to be strong and authoritative, when dealing with such Maya-vadi thoughts. As soon as a Gursikh strongly and forcefully challenges these Maya filled thoughts, they vanish as night vanishes with sunrise.

Don't sit helplessly and let this thought of infatuation or whatever it is, ruin your precious Naam-Abhyaas or Kirtan time. Make a strong and earnest effort to listen to Naam. When the Dhuni (sound) of Naam thunders inside the Mind, false and Maya-vadi thoughts run away as herds of deers run away when lion roars in jungle.

Don't fall prey to Maya. Naam is much more precious than all the substance of the world combined. Remember the supreme sacrifices of beloved Sahibzade, 40 Mukte, Bhai Mani Singh, Baba Deep Singh, Bhai Sahib Randhir Singh in jail etc. These thoughts, whether they are of worldly Ashiqee or infatuation, will run away before you know. Do Sangat of Gursikhs, read books of Gursikhs and above all do an Ardaas for strength. Guru Sahib kirpa karan ge.

Kulbir Singh

Kulbir Singh paagi, sorry if I somehow offend you by saying this, but your solution provided above sounds like a very cold one to me. If something is bothering the poor guy so much then it must be of an important nature to him. I think it's wrong to just call it maya and just dismiss it like that.

I mean we are humans, we have emotions and we were given these by God Himself so that we could live in this world, and maintain our relationships with those around us. You can't just call somebody's deep emotions maya and then that's it. That sounds a bit fanatic to me.

Ya, remembrance of God is important in our lives, but we do live in this world too and we have to deal with things of that nature too.

......

To the brother who posted the question at first...

Ask your friend to sit down and really think about whatever that is going on in his head and heart. He needs to find out what he wants. Does he want this other person in his life as a life partner or something? To me it sounds like the case, and has this other person that he has feelings for, have they done something to encourage them? If they have, then chances are that they may both be feeling the same way. This is something of a personal and sensitive nature. So address it accordingly. If the other person hasn't done anything to make your friend feel the feelings that he has, then your friend could be just really attracted to the person (either outwardly, or to the qualities they may have). But if your friend doesn't have any 'basis' or any reasons to be experiencing such feelings then he could be just living in a fantasy world and attachment could be the real problem. And tell your friend that it isn't healthy to attach yourself emotionally to someone who isn't going to be there for them in the same way. If the other person knows that your friend has these deep feelings for them, they might actually be getting a kick out of seeing the responses your friend shows (ie. not looking up, being shy and fearful and all that). Tell your friend to just break out of it and act normal. If they are too intense, then try, at least to not let them overcome him. I know this hard to do, but it really isn't healthy for your friend to let himself get dragged down because of anybody.

Tell your friend not to think too much about this person. Tell him to get out and do things in his life to keep him busy. That way it would balance his focus out.

Hopefully with God's grace, everything will become fine.

Leafy Bhain jeeo,

You wrote:

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Kulbir Singh paagi, sorry if I somehow offend you by saying this, but your solution provided above sounds like a very cold one to me. If something is bothering the poor guy so much then it must be of an important nature to him. I think it's wrong to just call it maya and just dismiss it like that.
I mean we are humans, we have emotions and we were given these by God Himself so that we could live in this world, and maintain our relationships with those around us. You can't just call somebody's deep emotions maya and then that's it. That sounds a bit fanatic to me.

First thing is that I assumed that the person in question is an Amritdhari person because it was mentioned that he does Naam Abhyaas.

To become an Amritdhari, one has to give one's head to Guru Sahib. If after giving our head to Guru Sahib, we still have Ashiqee (amorous) feelings for someone not married to us and that too while doing Naam Abhyaas, then I believe it is reasonable to advise such person to dismiss this very dangerous thought as Maya and focus on Naam.

What else are we supposed to suggest to this person? Are we to suggest that it's okay to have such feelings because we are after all human beings? If we give such advice, then this person will become more weak because he will see that there is some sympathy for him, in Sangat.

We all get maya-vaadi thoughts till we reach the perfect state of spirituality but this does not mean that we should condone getting such thoughts. No doubt, when doing Abhyaas, such false Mayavaadi thoughts should be dismissed and one should focus on Naam. The thundering sound of Naam surely decimates such thoughts in one instant. All we need is faith in Guru Sahib's all powerful Naam.

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Ya, remembrance of God is important in our lives, but we do live in this world too and we have to deal with things of that nature too.

Dealing with the things of this nature is done through Naam and Gurbani. How else would you deal with it? Advice such as suggesting the Singh to talk to the person to see if she too has similar feelings, is not an advice in accordance to Gurmat. At young age (and at later age too), before marriage (and after marriage too), such thoughts do come to us Gursikhs but we are supposed to eliminate such thoughts and not act upon them. If Gursikhs keep strong Amritvela, keep Rehit, do Gurbani paath, then such thoughts don't even come to Gursikhs but if we get trained to think that such thoughts are normal, then how would these thoughts stop coming? Serious Seekers of Vaheguru should have zero tolerance for Maya and it's thoughts.

The thoughts are the seeds that if sown solidly, sprout as actions. Every action, good or bad, was once a thought. Verily, if we can eliminate bad thoughts right at the onset, we can be assured that these thoughts would never become actions. Nip it in the bud, is the name of the game.

May Guru Sahib do Kirpa and enable us to fight Maya and focus on Naam, so that we may get out of the cycle of birth, death and rebirth. This cycle is very painful.

Having said that, if the person is unmarried and wants to get married to this person, then as Leafy jee suggested, work should be done towards this but despite this, worldly thoughts must be eliminated while doing Abhyaas or in Kirtan because this time is too precious to waste on worldly matters.

Kulbir Singh

I think the problem becomes when we make it into a big issue. If this singh does have feelings he should ignore them, it's not that big of a deal. Just like bhai sahib said, Sangat time should not be wasted on such futile thoughts.

vaheguroo jee

im not sure what is causing this scenario, others have already analyzed the scenario.

if the singh in question is at the appropriate age (22-26), and is sincere about this and is thinking of marraige, by all means approach some elders and ask them for help

this is essential especially if ones parents are keen on gursikhee and stuff.

apart from that, if there is no serious notion, then the best thing is what jaspreet singh suggested, cant put it in bigger words. Posting stories on forums and asking others also makes the problem an actual problem.

things happen, thoughts come, push them out and move forward. do abhyaas.

but if he is serious, then elder singhs should be approached for further steps.

The tears of bairaag make the floor of your mind/heart wet. So wet, so wet, that not a single vikaar can stand on it even for a split second. They slip and slip away. You want to control your mind, you can do what Bhai Kulbir Singh jee said and force them out. If you think that is cold, then the only way for him is to CRY, and BEG. Cry like a child and beg like a beggar. Cry to Gurujee and beg from Gurujee. Cry for His kirpa, and beg for His kirpa. Bhai Sahib also advised to remember the Shaheeds. Think of their shaheediyaan and cry, all this aashikee and infatuation will fly away faster than rocket speed. Without bairaag, you can't kick off these vikaars. Without love, you won't have bairaag. Without reciting Gurbani, you won't feel pyaar. Bottom line, recite Gurbani with understanding.

Guru Sahib says if a person cant find steadiness in sangat he will stumble everywhere and find no shelter wherever he goes ( Bhai Nand Lal Jis rehatnama).
Through fear during Naam Abhyiaas, the mint of Naam contemplation is obtained. In Sri Jap Ji Sahib, Guru Sahib has given us the formula on how to obtain this mint which leads to single minded concentration.

ਜਤੁ ਪਾਹਾਰਾ ਧੀਰਜੁ ਸੁਨਿਆਰੁ ॥
ਅਹਰਣਿ ਮਤਿ ਵੇਦੁ ਹਥੀਆਰੁ ॥
ਭਉ ਖਲਾ ਅਗਨਿ ਤਪ ਤਾਉ ॥
ਭਾਂਡਾ ਭਾਉ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤੁ ਤਿਤੁ ਢਾਲਿ ॥
ਘੜੀਐ ਸਬਦੁ ਸਚੀ ਟਕਸਾਲ ॥

To understand better how fear should be applied refer to the following link.

[www.gurmatbibek.com]

Tanvir Singh, your post says exactly what I tried to say in my posts, but people here are always gonna make big issues no matter what from time to time. So yeah I second what Tanvir Singh has said and I have nothing more to say after this.

vaheguruoo

first off all thank u for advices i will let my friend know what u have told daas

the brother who told me that was like he had contact with her on the net and they was like becoming friend and after two weeks or so he realised that he loves her/attached to her i dont know and was angery with himself the only solution for him was to tell the sister the truth he told her to delete him and no have no contact to him because he dont see a like a sister


he says always to me that dosent matter that he want her as his wife or not the thing is he dont wanna get in this he always says i have one heart if i give this heart to this girl how can i give my heart to satguru ji

Howcome the original poster hasn't responded yet?

why get into something if you are not going to follow through it. after 2 weeks? love? soo darn serious after only 2 weeks? that's not even a long enough time to get to know a person properly and he's basing 'love' on that 2 week foundation. well it's shaken and fallen so now tell him to move on cos it wasn't even real enough... and please in the future stay away from any girls....

what he thought was love was probably just the effects of dopamine secretion in his brain...

in my previous post

daas meant

especially if the parents ARE NOT keen on sikhi

i accidently wrote if the parents ARE keen

please forgive the mistake and make a new meaning out of the sentence

on the contrary, from what I have read so far

it doesnt seem that this singh is serious. It seems to me that he is going through that temporary "attraction" phase. In order to be sincere and serious about marrying somebody, one should be attracted to the gurmat qualities the candidate posseses. A good and strict jeevan, yet full of pyaar. That is what one should be attracted to.


Then again i could be wrong.
But veerje should be encouraged to do sukhmani sahib paaths, increase amritvela, and use the Strongest and most powerful Shashtar that guroo sahib has given us

That would be ardaas.

vaheguroo jee

Bhai Sahib, Chatting on internet with opposite sex - without a valid reason ( studies, gurmat etc) is a disease. Male or Female of any age should avoid normal chit chat on phone or internet. It doesn't produce any good results, it always leads to sorrow and unhappiness.

As other Gurmukh veer/bhens have recommended Naam Abhyaas, it is the best option. For Young people, its always healthy to involve in some kind of Martial Arts.sports as extra curricular activities. Channelize your energy, don't waste it on chit-chat.

If you will not learn from our experience you will repent later in your life.

Use internet for education and learning not for chit-chat.


Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa
Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

What a load of ......'he has one heart and he can't give that heart to the girl cos he wants to give it Guru Sahib'....I wonder how married singhs manage...this singh of yours sounds very childish to me and has no understanding of a serious noble relationship between man and a woman (husband and wife).

vaheguruoojikakhalsa vaheguruoojikifateh ji


first off daas send my freind the link so that he could read what u have told daas to tell him

he said really thank u for the advises he will try to fight against it with naam/gurbaani abyhaas

i think now he know how to deal with it

vaheguruoojikakhalsa vaheguruoojikifateh ji

Please direct your friend to carefully read these two threads as well jee:

Majnoo: “If I don’t get married to her I will die”

The Disease! (MSN, Facebook etc)