Vaheguru Jee Kaa Khalsa Vaheguru Jee Kee Fateh

Sangat Jee, too often in these modern times due to stress, many(including Amritdharis) get into krodh and begin to argue to the extent of yelling at their parents especially when it seems parents are being unfair. Are there any Saakhis from the lives of the Gurus Jees, Bhagat Sahibaan, Mahapursh that emphasize the importance of respecting one's parents, Please share some stories/saakhis on how a Gursikh should respect one's parents.

ੴ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਪ੍ਰਸਾਦਿ ॥
ਸਾਰਗ ਮਹਲਾ ੪ ਘਰੁ ੩ ਦੁਪਦਾ
ਕਾਹੇ ਪੂਤ ਝਗਰਤ ਹਉ ਸੰਗਿ ਬਾਪ ॥
ਜਿਨ ਕੇ ਜਣੇ ਬਡੀਰੇ ਤੁਮ ਹਉ ਤਿਨ ਸਿਉ ਝਗਰਤ ਪਾਪ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
ਜਿਸੁ ਧਨ ਕਾ ਤੁਮ ਗਰਬੁ ਕਰਤ ਹਉ ਸੋ ਧਨੁ ਕਿਸਹਿ ਨ ਆਪ ॥
ਖਿਨ ਮਹਿ ਛੋਡਿ ਜਾਇ ਬਿਖਿਆ ਰਸੁ ਤਉ ਲਾਗੈ ਪਛੁਤਾਪ ॥੧॥
ਜੋ ਤੁਮਰੇ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਹੋਤੇ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਹਰਿ ਤਿਨ ਕੇ ਜਾਪਹੁ ਜਾਪ ॥
ਉਪਦੇਸੁ ਕਰਤ ਨਾਨਕ ਜਨ ਤੁਮ ਕਉ ਜਉ ਸੁਨਹੁ ਤਉ ਜਾਇ ਸੰਤਾਪ ॥੨॥੧॥੭॥ (Ang 1200)

Many Sikhs quote this Shabad when discussing the relationship between son/daughter and mother/father and that it is a sin to argue with one’s parents. The historical context (uthaanka) of this Shabad comes from the time when Prithi Chand was doing everything in his power to secure the gurgaddi for himself and prevent Siri Guru Arjun Dev Sahib Jee from ascending to the gurgaddi. At the time of the gurgaddi ceremony of Sri Guru Arjun Dev Sahib Jee, the jealous Prithi Chand came into the packed darbar and spoke such foul words that Kavi Santokh Singh says that he cannot even repeat what Prithi Chand said. In reply to this, Sri Guru Raam Daas Sahib Jee pronounced the above Shabad to his son Prithi Chand.

Other quotes are often given from Bhai Gurdaas Jee’s Vaaran:

ਪੁਤੁ ਨ ਮੰਨੈ ਮਾਪਿਆਂ ਕਮਜਾਤੀ ਵੜੀਐ ॥ (Vaar 34, Pauri 21)
The son who does not accept the wishes of his mother and father is considered a kamjaati (lowly person).

ਮਾਂ ਪਿਉ ਪਰਹਰਿ ਸੁਣੈ ਵੇਦੁ ਭੇਦੁ ਨ ਜਾਣੈ ਕਥਾ ਕਹਾਣੀ॥
ਮਾਂ ਪਿਉ ਪਰਹਰਿ ਕਰੈ ਤਪੁ ਵਣਖੰਡਿ ਭੁਲਾ ਫਿਰੈ ਬਿਬਾਣੀ॥
ਮਾਂ ਪਿਉ ਪਰਹਰਿ ਕਰੈ ਪੂਜੁ ਦੇਵੀ ਦੇਵ ਨ ਸੇਵ ਕਮਾਣੀ॥
ਮਾਂ ਪਿਉ ਪਰਹਰਿ ਨ੍ਹਾਵਣਾ ਅਠਸਠਿ ਤੀਰਥ ਘੁੰਮਣ ਵਾਣੀ॥
ਮਾਂ ਪਿਉ ਪਰਹਰਿ ਕਰੈ ਦਾਨ ਬੇਈਮਾਨ ਅਗਿਆਨ ਪਰਾਣੀ॥
ਮਾਂ ਪਿਉ ਪਰਹਰਿ ਵਰਤ ਕਰਿ ਮਰਿ ਮਰਿ ਜੰਮੈ ਭਰਮਿ ਭੁਲਾਣੀ॥
ਗੁਰੁ ਪਰਮੇਸਰੁ ਸਾਰੁ ਨ ਜਾਣੀ ॥੧੩॥ (Vaar 37, Pauri 13)

There are several rehatname from Bhai Chaupa Singh Jee that discuss parents and children:

ਜੋ ਮਾਤਾ ਪਿਤਾ ਦੀ ਆਗਿਆ ਨਾ ਮੰਨੇ, ਸੋ ਭੀ ਤਨਖਾਹੀਆ ।
He who does not fulfil the wishes of his mother and father is a tankhaiya.

ਨਿਗੁਰਾ ਪੁੱਤ੍ਰ ਘਰ ਵਿਚ ਰਖੇ, ਸੋ ਤਨਖਾਹੀਆ ।
He who keeps a nigura son in his house is a tankhaiya.

ਜੋ ਕੇਸਧਾਰੀ ਹੋਇ ਕੇ, ਬੇਟੇ ਕਤਰੂ ਰਖੇ, ਸੋ ਤਨਖਾਹੀਆ ।
He who after becoming Kesdhari (Amritdhari) keeps a son with cut hair is tankhaiya.

ਜੋ ਸਿਖ ਮਾਤਾ ਪਿਤਾ ਅੱਗੇ ਜਵਾਬ ਦੇਵੇ, ਸੋ ਤਨਖਾਹੀਆ । ਸਾਖ, “ਕਾਹੇ ਪੂਤ ਝਗਰਤ ਹਉ ਸੰਗਿ ਬਾਪ ॥”
He who argues with his mother and father is tankhaiya. See: “ਕਾਹੇ ਪੂਤ ਝਗਰਤ ਹਉ ਸੰਗਿ ਬਾਪ ॥”

ਜੋ ਮਾਪੇ ਗੁਰੂ ਪਾਸੋਂ ਬੇਮੁਖ, ਸੋ ਤਨਖਾਹੀਏ । ਪ੍ਰਹਲਾਦ ਨੇ ਪਿਤਾ ਤਿਆਗਿਆ, ਭਰਥਰੀ ਮਾਈ ਤਿਆਗੀ ।
Those parents who are bemukh to the Guru are tankhaiye. Bhagat Prehlaad renounced his father, Bharthri renounced his mother.

Bhagat Prehlaad was a leading Bhagat from many ages ago, he was the son of Harnakash and the father of Raja Bal. Harnakash would make many efforts to make his son Prehlaad desist from bhagti but Prehlaad never gave up and in the end, Hari Vaheguru appeared in the form of a Narsingh (man-lion) and killed Harnakash. Bhagat Prehlaad has been mentioned many times in Gurbani, ultimately he was saved by Satguru Jee [even before 1469, in gupt roop: ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਪ੍ਰਹਿਲਾਦਿ ਜਪਿ ਹਰਿ ਗਤਿ ਪਾਈ ॥ (Ang 591) // ਧ੍ਰੂ ਪ੍ਰਹਿਲਾਦੁ ਬਿਦਰੁ ਦਾਸੀ ਸੁਤੁ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਨਾਮਿ ਤਰੇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ (Ang 995)]

Bhagat Naam Dev Jee also renounced and forsook his manmatti mother:

ਨ ਹਉ ਤੇਰਾ ਪੂੰਗੜਾ ਨ ਤੂ ਮੇਰੀ ਮਾਇ ॥ (Ang 1165)

From the above, it is my personal opinion that one should follow the wishes of ones parents strictly to the limit of Gurmat. As for respect, how can a Gursikh be expected to respect or admire anyone except Guru Sahib and Gursikhs? If one’s parents are faithful Gursikhs then the quotes from Gurbani, Vaaran, and Rehatname discussed above with regards to respecting parents and fulfilling their wishes definitely apply.

However if someone’s parents are not Gursikhs, the Gursikh son or daughter cannot be expected to, and should not follow the manmatti commands of the mother and father. Similarly, there cannot be an exception that a Gursikh is permitted to eat from the hands of his be-amriti mother and father simply because they are his or her worldy parents. There is no need to argue, it is better to remain silent and carry on japping Naam and following Guru Sahib’s hukams. If one makes a mistake, admit it and apologise. Avoiding arguments is very important, as is speaking sweetly, and remaining quiet where possible.

ਭੁਲ ਚੁਕ ਮੁਆਫ਼ ਕਰਦਿਓ ਜੀ ।

Dear Singh Jio,

It's Gurmat principle to respect ones parents even if they hold different views to ours. They are our birth givers, this debt can not be paid off in this life if we don't follow Gurmat. There are probably many Sakhis where Gursikhs gave full respect to their parents despite their opposite views on such as Amrit Shakkna, Langer Bibek, Naam Simarn and other Rehats. Due to given respect and seva to such parents, over the time Gursikh's parents too joined the Khalsa Panth.

Anyway Sangat can share Sakhis and individual experiences but Daas would like to share Guru Sahib's strict Hukam on this topic, Guru Sahib call it to be sin if someone fight, disrespect or unnecessary argue with ones parents:

Guru Sahibs says:

ਕਾਹੇ ਪੂਤ ਝਗਰਤ ਹਉ ਸੰਗਿ ਬਾਪ ॥
ਜਿਨ ਕੇ ਜਣੇ ਬਡੀਰੇ ਤੁਮ ਹਉ ਤਿਨ ਸਿਉ ਝਗਰਤ ਪਾਪ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ਪੰਨਾ ੧੨੦੦

Loose translation: O son (child), why do you fight/argue with your father (parents), It is a sin to fight/argue with them who gave birth and raised you up.

In light of above Hukam, Gursikhs always respect their parents to avoid committing a PAAP.

Bhul Chuk di Maafi.

Didn't realize Trust Singh Jee gave good explanation.

Quote
Trust Singh
Bharthri renounced his mother.

Could you or anyone who knows the Sakhi of Bharthri?

One famous Saakhi that comes to mind is when Baba Kalu Jee gave Sri Guru Nanak Dev Jee money to do business/Sauda. Instead of doing worldly business, Guru Jee did the Gurmat thing by feeding hungry Sadhus/Sants which came to be known as Sacha Sauda. When Baba Kalu Jee found out, it is said that he hit Guru Jee. But Guru Jee did not react in krodh, instead He took it calmly. This is a lesson for us. Even when it seems parents are wrong, one should be respectful to their parents. If parents act in Krodh, it does not mean you should also react in krodh. As mentioned in Gurbani, it is Paap to yell or do ਝਗੜਾ with one's parents.

Bhai Jasjit Singh jee,

You said it yourself it is against gurmat to respect authority that takes you against gurmat..

NO feelings are saved

Birthgivers---what is the point of birthgivers if they do not treat you properly



Singh1699.. respect for parents with no gursikhee

Jasjit singh-- can you respect a tankayeeyaa..?

Please tell me.. please can you respect somebody that cuts their hair/ bibiyaa especially plucks their eyebrows..
.that is a bujjar kurheit..


Superficially you wish to believe people's karmas back their superficial looks.. but it takes a lot of homai to listen to authority that is wrong

Do singhs respect police men in india? Do they? Id like to ask you right now?


Jasjit Singh jee, I think you need to review your history and not use gurbani panktiyaa up to your advantage...


Follow hukams of your parents that take you against gurmat.. is a bigger sin

SO look at life trust singh from a larger more wider perspective lens..
open your eyes

Girls/women are not idiotic... this idiotic stance that you have taken is listen to your parents blindfoldedly with your eyes closed is illogical and is not going to get you very far in life...

Jasjit Singh jee.. Your belief in blindfolded faith in parents is proof that the daughter or son does not know moral values

the truth is.. when moral values of parents and daughter do not match.. do you know what happens? And parents do not know any better.. these lies these blindfolded belief in the superiority of parents authority over daughter. son you have blind folded faith.. in is not moral.. so what I am saying is that oh gurmat de against haiga hai..


Ill give you a pankti

Rehat pyaari muj ko Sikh pyaaraa naheen

Rehat is more important than listening to your parents... when parents go against rehat.. listening to parents is wrong..
because guru sahib says mere roop vich khalsa vasda hai..


Krodh.to some point is necessary.. baba banda singh bahadur gave enemies tyrants wazir khan punishment..

he it nal it karka detee sarhind dee. .hor bolo.... baba banda singh bahadur punished bad people

in the same way son/daughter has to punish bad accordingly..... morals are necessary.. morals are rehit.


Parents who can be bad.. and majority of the times they are wrong.... Jasjit Singh.. your old Punjabi culture is not going to get you far.. because Punjabi culture is not always gurmat.. in this scenario it is manmat.. pure pure pure pure manmat. your blind faith in following your parents.. that every daughter should follow their parents even if they are wrong.. is your homai speaking....

So please tell me Jasjit Singh.. in this scenario.. I have to say you are very very very off in your judgment...

Yelling at your parents are necessary when all they believe is bujjar kurheits. peshee jaanaa zaroori hai.m. otherwise guru sahib renounces them..

So according to your logic people that don't keep rehit are right and people that do keep rehit are wrong.. .okay that makes no sense

Bujjar kurheit-4 cardinal sins

1. eating meat
2. adultery
3. smoking
4. cutting hair

so hypothetically speaking if parents do 3 out of 4 of the bujjar kureheits. jasjit singh jee and trust singh jee..

do you two still think it is necessary to listen to your parents???????

You look at the facts above and then tell me if what you said makes any sense

Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa
Vaheguru ji ki Fateh

Bhenjee, Baba Banda Singh Bahadur did not act out of krodh. I'm sure you highly regard the opinion of Bhai Randhir Singh jee, please read Bhai Sahib's article on this subject. They explain that gurmukh warriors never fought with even an ounce of rage in them. Bir Ras is very different from krodh, and acting out of krodh is never gurmat.

Even Bhai Randhir Singh jee was extremely respectful to their parents. When his father tried to explain to Bhai Sahib that he needs to focus more on his studies and less on bhagti, Bhai Sahib remained humble, quiet, respectful and loving. Whenever Bhai Sahib has written about his father he has written in a very loving and respectful way.

Sometimes parents do not understand gurmat. In that case we should try to explain gurmat to them in a respectful way. Is there anything wrong with that? If they still don't understand then it's not in their karams yet. Yelling at them or blackmailing them won't change that so why would you add the weight of that paap to your own head?


When you start treating other people like garbage you are only maligning your own jeevan. It is not necessary to yell at your parents in order to keep following rehit and doing bhagti. All you have to do is keep doing it. If you are getting angry then you're destroying your own kamayee.

I commend you for taking a stand on gurmat within your household and upholding rehit. You are definitely right that we shouldn't listen to our parents when they stop us from doing what is right in Guru Sahibs eyes. But it takes a strong individual to bear criticism with nimrata and without krodh. However, you have been lashing out even on gursikhs in a very advertently disrepectful way. I really hope you will reflect on this amd see why krodh is not acceptable for a gursikh.

We do not choose parents. They are part of our destiny. God wanted us to born to them. So any disrespect to them is disrespect to God.

At the same time, one needs to disagree with them, on certain issues. But disagreement must also be without disrespect. This is the talent and the wisdom, we learn with time.

It is difficult sometimes, to practice the ideals. But ideals are there to guide us.

Harnaksh vs Prahlad cases are very rare. But Prahlad did nothing but pray. Akal Purakh did the rest.

Sat Sri Akal Singhni Jio,
SK jio advise is very true, about respecting your parents so your jeevan is not affected ji.
Your parents love you to take you to AKJ smagam, etc...
despite challenging weather where you are ji.
Mostly, you are so strong in your rehit, as you a product of your parents ji.
Otherwise, as is the wise saying, "you will reap what you sow.." I was a daughter, and a parent today.
bhul chuk muaf for poor English ji..
Gurfateh