bibek desperations/life struggle

Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa Vaheguru ji ki Fateh

I have to share my story because I have no other choice but to share it. I am in desperate need for answers for my bibek....
I am going to give all that has happened to me.. because its a huge struggle for me..
I am 17 years old.. and I was blessed with amrit last july 6 at Toronto amrit sanchaar... I come from a family of the average Sikhs. What I mean about that none of my family members took amrit from Toronto amrit sanchaar..Never thought I could ever keep bibek.. People even told me to wait until august amrit sanchaar and to take amrit in New York... My dad spent several hours yelling at me and telling me that I couldn't take amrit from jatha because they kept bibek... But I was firm in that I wanted to take amrit from jatha. I was inspired by the saakhis and how people reached many spiritual heights from taking amrit from the jatha. I wanted to witness those miracles.. so he couldn't change my mind. In the beginning my family couldn't agree with me wearing a dastaar. Due to my personal attachment to a family I used to get really upset when my dad and my family didn't appreciate my dastaar.So bibek was really scary for me...I took amrit from jatha.. and my life changed for me.. and I was told by my panj to keep bibek.. But I didn't keep it until like 6 months later.. When it just so happened to be preordained that a mahapurash couple would stay at my house and take care of me because my parents had to travel somewhere..( secret mahapurashes) You know how secret gursikhs can be about their spiritual level.. so I called the couple pyaar naal bhai sahib jee and aunty jee.. Eating aunty's food and profound change came over my spiritual level.. I felt so much peace within my mind... Never did I feel so good.. And I dreaded my parents coming back.. and I didn't want to tell my parents..Due to this I went hungry for a few days.. and I was very upset that I had to do this all by myself.. No human saathi to assist me.. no body to help me.. I went kind of crazy with grief... and I tried calling a few bibeki gursikhs.. because my mom and dad kept on yelling at me because I was "hurting them" and being disrespectful.. and I became depressed. and eventually I talked to a gursikh family(a nice aunty would understood my grief)( local) and they said 2 big gursikhs were coming and they were good at explaining bibek.. And they could do a great job of explaining bibek to my parents...
So I kept my aaas on that and just kept on going... So eventually the day came and my parents and the two gursikhs were all eating langar in a nice big circle.. The gursikhs being the pyaar vale gursikhs that they were didn't try to offend my parents.. I being the insolent child made bold accusations at my parents.. I told them that they didn't keep pure vegetarian..( they ate out) and the gursikhs tried to explain. they said everything about bibek.. so I sat patiently... and I sat and I watched and hoped the gursikhs would do their job.. but it didn't work.. Because on the car ride home my parents didn't understand a thing that the gursikhs said.. they were completely close minded.. and then I went crazy with grief again.. There is a constant pattern of grief throughout this story of mine.. and then I told my dad.... and I had to say it this way.. There was no other way out.. it was either this or complete insanity..Remember I am not as mature as some of the adults in this world.. I couldn't handle my self or my life anymore...
I told him I am not the same as you are spiritually.. We are at different levels.....My dad gets angry at me because indirectly I called my mom impure.. I told him I can't eat the food because mumma doesn't do nitnem everyday.. and it doesn't matter if she does a million sehaj paaths.. that one time she ate meat.. and drank sharab.. that one time..and more than once..its a huge paap(sin) to drink wine.. it wipes away all of your good deeds... and eating the maas of an animal is not even close to right either.. .and I told him he is not better than me.. I told him I am tired of the fact that you think I am crazy.. ( which is funny because at that point I went really insane) I couldn't handle anything...Like I felt alone and without support.. I felt isolated, desolated.. and I could do nothing but pity myself.. and just you know what little girls do when their upset.. CRY.. and as I was crying I was saying I am at a higher spiritual level than you.. and that never wanted to say this. They said I did my mom's besti.. so nobody wants to listen to me.. and unless you are above 50 years old or if you are of the male sex people don't care about what I say... I get shrugged off as somebody going through any phase......Like its not like my parents are bad or anything.. they are great parents.. and I really don't want anybody to my real identity.. because I am sharing a lot... and too much.... but its the only thing I have left to do.. I left gurmatbibek as a last resort... for my problems with gurmat
So back to my life story....
I was crying and I told him that you think I am being disrespectfull. the only thing I am doing is not eating any of your food.. I cook my own food.. and blah blah blah.. .and all of that
and then he understood
And then wait! it gets worse
and he said okay okay..
and then a few weeks past by
and then somehow I convinced my parents to take amrit...
I told them their is an amrit sanchaar at X place..(not jatha) they aren't ready for the rehit..ithey asked me if i would eat my mom's food if she took amrit... and my dad was like drama karehgee....( like bibiyaa cry. so its hard to take them seriously) Me personally i do a lot of crying( so they don't love to take me seriously like ever..)>...because
and I sincerely thought I would
but then right at the moment( I had dubidha)
I had dubidha that things wouldn't go right... I had dubidha that the amrit wouldn't change my mom enough.. and my dubidha went exactly as I thought it would...
And my poor mom's worried Im gonna go hungry.. Ifeel bad for her
But at this point id rather go hungry than break bibek..
didn't bhai sahib bhai randhir singh live on naam..if he did than why on earth would guru sahib kill me..? right?Logic makese sense? right?
My mom complains to everybody on how I don't eat her food.. and I get told I should eat her food and she does all her path right.. but wait my life gets worse..
yet it has a bad effect on me.. not enough naam kamayee.. its enough to make my head feel like it is going to FALL OFF MY HEAD.. and make me feel like throwing up.. I feel nauseous right this SECOND..
Then I look back and think that what if I was a MAN.. how different how better would my life be..LIke my parents would not have the guts to mess with me if I were a man.. They wouldn't have it in them to talk to a guy the way they talk to me about my bibek or my everything..LIke if i were a guy i probably would punch a wall if i was upset. so then people would take me more seriously.. butVAHEGURU JI made me a bibi.. which i am suppose to accept as TERA KIYA MEETA LAGAI.. At this point HIS KEEYA.. is disgusting and bitter and i hate it that i am a girl... ..
. and this sexism within cultures I have witnessed and experienced firsthand from my own relatives.. I don't know if any man would know how it feels to experience this.. you would never know how it feels to be told that only men should wear dastaar and not female.. and you would never know how it feels for nobody to take you or your actions seriously..you would never know how it feels to be told that no man would ever want to marry you because you have a mustache on your face and bushy eyebrows.. You are too ugly..
since my life is even more terrible than words can say.. to top all of that off I have a severe underbite..enough to make me feel like terrible about myself...
getting major surgery this summer for that(side note)
I don't care about which man will marry me..because frankly my life doesn't revolve around dressing myself up( dolling myself) up for a guy.. I am MORE THAN A DOLL> I AM MROE THAN A DOLL! FOR THE LOVE OF VAHEGURU I AM A WOMAN! I AM MORE THAN A DOLL!
STOP TREATING ME LIKE I AM NOTHING! I AM A WOMAN!I AM IMPORTANT! VAHEGURU! I CAN PLAY TABLA IF I WANT TO!(been playing for a few years now) I CAN DO ANYTHING THAT A GUY DOES! I CAN BECOME A SURGEON IF I WANT TO! I can cook food too..i make like the oddest concoctions.. like i can make up a full meal in like 10 minutes.. and its not like ur roti sabzi daal. its like a weird.. but i make some pretty odd things.. and get by on that.. and when you really look at it.. i am soo healthy.. and i am living such a great lifestyle interms of health.. not luxurious but it works for me.. and it gets me by.....

---people of my culture don't get that woman can do all of that...I just am tired of being underestimated that i cant keep dastaar and i cant keep bibek.. and i can't do.. and i cant pursue my aspirations and dreams. and my passions.. of changing the world.. and doing seva for guru sahib.. i know seva in the house is great seva... i respect all bibiyaa that do all the seva in the house..but that wasn't meant for me..i know for sure.. avheguru ji made me differently from other bibiyaa( i know for sure)
I LOVE MEDICINE----- I LOVE TABLA------- I want to save lives for a living..--- i am passionate about becoming a surgeon.--- i love science..

So now back to bibek..soo my mom and dad took amrit.... and I cant eat her food.. I feel this overwhelming sense of nauseousness
My parents are going to yelll at me.. my uncle will scream at me.. my sister will yell at me.. and my grandparents will yell at me.. and the world will yell at me..
At this point idon'tcareidon'tcareidon'tcareidon'tcareidon'tcare
ANYMORE


so what to do now.. nothing left to do now..the only thing left is to become detached.. stop caring.. i want to become detached from the world.........but maya is attacking me.. and preventing me.... maya and the 5 dooth are hurting me a lot.....
I am done caring about the " feelings of my parents"
if they can't get over their egos and let me live my jeevan the way I want to live it that's their problem not mine..
I know its hard to think much of me because I am a 17 year old bibi..
but that's it
I don't want people knowing whom I am... and i don't want anybody to talk to my parents.. There is no change going to happen to them. or my parivaar.. there is no hope..

i can become detached. from the world.. increase my spiritual level that i won't feel this bad..
but until that happens what in the world should i do.. my spiritual jeevan takes a lot of ups and downs.. as iam tempted to eat icecream and packaged foods.. when i stay strong my jeevan goes up... but it PLUMMETS DOWN..cause i fall down.. alot.

I tried dukhbhanjani sahib..(constant dukhbhanjani sahib between classes).. and yet nothing in this terrible world seems to be enough for me..
I just hate this world so much.. I am sick of it.. and i can't bare it.. or deal with it..
its unforgiving and mean and hurtful.... and i don't feel much hope or aas for a better future from it


Vaheguru ji ka khalsa
Vaheguru ji ki Fateh...

The desperation in your post is very touching. Be assured, Guru Sahib is not deaf to your pain. Don't give up!

While treading on the path of Gurmat, many obstacles are encountered but our reaction to these tests is what gives us khushi of Guru Sahib. It is very commendable that at such a young age and in such hard circumstances you are trying to keep Rehit and follow Gurmat. You are for sure receiving kirpa of Guru Sahib. Whatever you do, never make compromise with Rehit and never let go of Bibek.

That being said, the path of Gursikhi is one of utmost humility. I know that it is hard being in your situation and that there is probably no way that I can fully understand what you are going through but you have to be careful not to act in Krodh. Even if the whole world calls you insane, you must keep your spirits high and not react with anger. It is a very big paap to speak to our parents in Krodh, and we must react to their yelling with nimrita and love.

Over time your parents will get used to you keeping Bibek and all you have to do is just tough it out for the time being. Never talk back to them and if they are yelling at you about Rehit then just politely explain why you are keeping it and rest of the time just stay quiet.

Know that you are not alone. Many have been in your place and many more will have to pass through the same situation as well. The key to survival is to take Sharan of Gurbani and Naam. All hardships eventually pass, and these types of situations are great for getting a lot of kamayee.

I think you should apologize to your parents for the spiritual level comment and any other time that you have spoken or acted with Krodh.

Don't give up, you will make it through this.

Preetam Singh

I went through the same thing as you bhenjee, even the part about being frustraded at being a girl and the fact that no one would take me seriously. Good for you for hanging in there. Don't give up. I promise there IS hope as long as you never give up. Gursikhs don't surrender, ever. You want to prove you are as strong as a guy, then man up.

And never call Vaheguru's "keeya" disgusting and bitter. That is pure slander. Vahegutu has given you so much... he's given you bibek rehit in the most impossible circumstances... you have to remember that what he has done IS sweet. Never let yourself hate his bhanna. Your user id is Singhni... Singhnian can get through anything. Singhnian can have their own children cut up into pieces and still love Vaheguru's sweet sweet bhanna. You are capable of getting through this, and when hard times finally are over, you will see for yourself that Guru Sahib was holding your hand the whole way through. Just don't let him let go. Beg him not to ever let go of your hand, and let you fall off this kaniyoh thikee vaaloh nikee maarag.

Take aasra in Guru Sahib. Take it from your sister who went through the same thing as you. As long as you love and trust him, he will not let you fall. He is that gracious. I promise you bhenjee, that if he is bestowing you with the honour to keephis rehit, it means he really loves you... Guru Sahib, whose mere glance angels would die for, has looked your way, at YOU. Feel honoured ♡

You should do sukhmani sahib evetyday. It helps. Send me a private message if you wish to talk, as I know its really hard to do this on your own.

And I thought I was the only one facing similar problem

Bibi jee you are 17. Just hang on for a year or two and let your wings grow big then you will soar heights. But to grow your wings big, you have to speak less, argue less, question less, answer less, fight less and practice Gurmat more by remaining Gupt about your doings. After that no one will dare look into your eyes to question your lifestyle.

Bhul Chuk Maaf.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

I will try to do what Jaskirat veerji said: "you have to speak less, argue less, question less, answer less, fight less and practice Gurmat more by remaining Gupt about your doings"

I think that is my issue.. that is where all of my problem lies.. is that I listen to everything that anybody says and take it to heart and become upset about it and think about it and make sure I let it affect me in the worst possible way..so anything my parents say will hurt me to the max.
I need to try harder to implement what jaskirat veerji says

Thank you sk bhenjee: I just get mad at guru sahib which is wrong for me to do so.. thank you for your encouraging words. I am working on the sukhmani sahib..its like one of my personal goals...

Preetam uncle jee/ veerji: I apologize to my parents for every time I get mad at them.. I try to atleast.....after I regain my senses
And yes.. I have a huge issue when it comes to homai....I have a homai problem.. and nimratha is really hard... i try and try but nimratha doesn't come to me that easily...i am trying and will continue to try to be in nimratha..


Vaheguru ji ka khalsa Vaheguru ji ki Fateh

Bibi Singhni Jio!!!


Vaheguroo jee kaa khalsaa
Vaheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!

This shabad always helps me personally whenever I am sad!!


ਆਸਾ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥
Aasaa, Fifth Mehl:
ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਹੋਇ ਕ੍ਰਿਪਾਲੁ ਤ ਇਹੁ ਮਨੁ ਲਾਈ ॥
When God shows His Mercy, then this mind is focused on Him.
ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਸੇਵਿ ਸਭੈ ਫਲ ਪਾਈ ॥੧॥
Serving the True Guru, all rewards are obtained. ||1||
ਮਨ ਕਿਉ ਬੈਰਾਗੁ ਕਰਹਿਗਾ ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਮੇਰਾ ਪੂਰਾ ॥
O my mind, why are you so sad? My True Guru is Perfect.
ਮਨਸਾ ਕਾ ਦਾਤਾ ਸਭ ਸੁਖ ਨਿਧਾਨੁ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ ਸਰਿ ਸਦ ਹੀ ਭਰਪੂਰਾ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
He is the Giver of blessings, the treasure of all comforts; His Ambrosial Pool of Nectar is always overflowing. ||1||Pause||
ਚਰਣ ਕਮਲ ਰਿਦ ਅੰਤਰਿ ਧਾਰੇ ॥
One who enshrines His Lotus Feet within the heart,
ਪ੍ਰਗਟੀ ਜੋਤਿ ਮਿਲੇ ਰਾਮ ਪਿਆਰੇ ॥੨॥
meets the Beloved Lord; the Divine Light is revealed to him. ||2||
ਪੰਚ ਸਖੀ ਮਿਲਿ ਮੰਗਲੁ ਗਾਇਆ ॥
The five companions have met together to sing the songs of joy.
ਅਨਹਦ ਬਾਣੀ ਨਾਦੁ ਵਜਾਇਆ ॥੩॥
The unstruck melody, the sound current of the Naad, vibrates and resounds. ||3||
ਗੁਰੁ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਤੁਠਾ ਮਿਲਿਆ ਹਰਿ ਰਾਇ ॥
O Nanak, when the Guru is totally pleased, one meets the Lord, the King.
ਸੁਖਿ ਰੈਣਿ ਵਿਹਾਣੀ ਸਹਜਿ ਸੁਭਾਇ ॥੪॥੧੭॥
Then, the night of one's life passes in peace and natural ease. ||4||17||



Try to recite this again and again and see the ppwer of Gurbani!!

All the best!!!

Vaheguroo Jee Kaa Khalsaa
Vaheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!

This bought a tear to my eye for several reasons.

sk what you said above was very empowering- though I admit. I am somewhat of a feminist (you can probably tell from my previous posts). What you said about being a Singhni and the Guru being by our side, Gursikhs not surrendering…it all really struck a cord with me. You reminded me that the Guru/Vaheguru are tangible not just incredible characters from history books.

Singhni- I have an immense amount of admiration for you and as crazy as this sounds… to be in your shoes, wow, a dream come true. The fact that you have taken Amrit and are soo devoted to the Amrit and rehit that your turning your surroundings upside down (or the right way up depending on how you look at it) in order live this new way of life, and all at such a young age, is remarkable- I am soo envious of you! How I wish Vaheguru would do kirpa on me and bless me with the privilege of being a part of his awesome elite group of Gursikhs too!

You think your not strong and cant deal with it? Let me tell you something, from what I have read above you are an incredibly strong, courageous and resilient young girl. To stand up for yourself against the odds because you feel so strongly about your beliefs and faith, again at such a young age, shows what an exceptional individual you are. Guru Gobind Singh ji is sooo proud of you that im actually jealous - I want to be just like you! I want that faith, that inner strength, that fighting spirit of a Singhni too! You go girl! Don’t give up now, you’ve come so far in the battle field, why would you want to turn around and run back now? Like sk said a Gursikh never surrenders- show the world what your made of- stick by righteousness. When you die and confront the dharma raja you don’t want to have to explain that you gave up because a few humans on earth couldn’t understand your way of life. Guru Tegbahader ji gave his head for what he believed in, Guru Gobind Singh ji gave up his children for what he believed in… the only thing you have to give up is giving up. I have a lot of appreciation, respect and faith in you lil miss Sighni ji. I believe you can get through it. Truly an inspiration for me.

Im just an ordinary paapi with no real kamai, so unfortunately I cant share any coping mechanisms with you to make the situation any easier but for what its worth coming from a low life, non member of the elite crew, I will endeavour to include you in my humble ardaas tomorrow morning.

Keep us posted with your progress. And indeed it will be progress!

Totally Agree to learner bhen jee... You are such a fighter...

Learner jee,

I don't really deserve all your praise... there are many quirks to me.. and all of my actions are a result of guru sahib's kirpa.. Thank you so much for your kind encouraging words..
Maha Paapi, thanks for the shabad! I should start doing that and see what happens?

Waheguru ji,

First of all, I am happy Guru ji gave you so much courage to deal with everything. However, while I was reading this, I have a bit different view to look at this. Please forgive me, I can be wrong. With all respect and love for you bhenji I just wanted to say something. Please Please correct me, I have very little knowledge.

I understand bibek is very very important, and Guru ji gets happy the more we obey His hukam. But Waheguru ji, there were few things I was thinking about if you havn't considered these earlier.

Parivaar, we get by our Karams. It is all pay off of good and bad karams from previous previous lifetimes which is why we have the family right now. If we have Gursikh family, it's Guru ji's blessing and our karams were better the last lifetime. If we have manmukh family, perhaps our karams were not too good in previous lives. So if one has parents who are Guru ji's peyaare, it is nobody's fault. Please don't cry over your kismat and feel all the bad things happen to me and i have to tolerate. It is Guru ji's Will that they are your parents. I think, we do have to cooperate with the kind of family we have... we can't LEAVE them and do what we like. Because I don't think Guru ji will like that. You say you don't care about your parents feelings at all. Will that really make you a better daughter of even Guru ji?

Spiritual Avastha is what everybody wants, but is obtained by Guru ji's Will. I know everyone of us wants to be higher and more close to Guru ji, but really, it comes by kamaai, more abheyaaas, most importantly - by his Will! You have probably heard that no matter if you go leave your house and live in jungle, even then you won't find those "miracles" that you want to experience. All I mean to say is.... it is not that those "miracles" will come to you if you become hardcore. (I am not saying they won't either). All you need to do is do your best in naam kamai and rehet... if for some reason you can't do something, they maybe you can't. Like people do have to do bedbi of hair for medical purposes. People do wear off Kirpaans when they have to go to airport. If your bibek is creating so many problems... maybe think about it. Another thing, having a sarabh lohi bibek will not get you "those miracles". That is of cource part of it as you show your pyaar to Guru ji by doing that, but it is just part of it. Main things are bhagti.

Grehasti jeevan is something Guru ji gives importance to. Our avasthas start from Dharam Khand, which means there is an order in which this world is running. Family is one of them too. I think, cooperation with your family is important. "I dont care whatso ever about their feelings" sounds a bit too extreme to me, and maybe wrong too. Will Guru ji be really happy with this?

I feel really bad writing this, because I feel the worst person ever that I am trying to tell you to compromise. Please ignore my post if you find that I am talking all wrong, I just wanted to address somethings which perhaps you might have missed when thinking about yourself.
Don't get me wrong. I share same story with you. Guru ji gave me Amrit, my parents were not too happy about it. I started tying dastaar few months back. My parents were not happy, but when they saw I really wanted to do that, they just kept quite. But my 25 years old brother insults me alot, but it is ok as far as I do what makes Guru ji happy. From my personal experience, I want to tell you a very important thing. This truly works, believe me. If you live in a manmukh family, you may get MAD, SAD, do ALL SORTS of things to get them into sikhi... nothing would work. BUT... if you forget that your parents are manmukh and all you do is make YOURSELF a good gursikh.... MIRACLES WILL HAPPEN! Your family will see Guru ji's presence in you which will change them!

Waheguru ji,

First of all, I am happy Guru ji gave you so much courage to deal with everything. However, while I was reading this, I have a bit different view to look at this. Please forgive me, I can be wrong. With all respect and love for you bhenji I just wanted to say something. Please Please correct me, I have very little knowledge.

I understand bibek is very very important, and Guru ji gets happy the more we obey His hukam. But Waheguru ji, there were few things I was thinking about if you havn't considered these earlier.

Parivaar, we get by our Karams. It is all pay off of good and bad karams from previous previous lifetimes which is why we have the family right now. If we have Gursikh family, it's Guru ji's blessing and our karams were better the last lifetime. If we have manmukh family, perhaps our karams were not too good in previous lives. So if one has parents who are Guru ji's peyaare, it is nobody's fault. Please don't cry over your kismat and feel all the bad things happen to me and i have to tolerate. It is Guru ji's Will that they are your parents.

Spiritual Avastha is what everybody wants, but is obtained by Guru ji's Will. I know everyone of us wants to be higher and more close to Guru ji, but really, it comes by kamaai, more abheyaaas, most importantly - by his Will! You have probably heard that no matter if you go leave your house and live in jungle, even then you won't find those "miracles". Main things is naam kamai that you need to have. Ofcource bibek is important and, but it is not the only thing. Bigger thing is naam kamai.

We all start and grow our avasthas from Dharam Khand. Dharam Khand is that everything has a maryaada, an order. Family comes under this too. You saying you dont care about your parents feelings what so ever seems abit too off to me. I don't think you would be cooperating with your family if you say tht. And by doing this will you really become Guru ji's good daughter? We all start our avasthas from Dharam Khand, and then go up.

Also, just watch over krodh and ego. Like your situations brng you so much sadness and anger... they arent gona make your avastha highter either right.

Please dont get me wrong, I feel so bad after writting this post because I am tellng you to compromise your bibek and that is the worst thing ever. Please ignore this post if you think i am all wrong, I just wanted to address somethings maybe which you mght have missed. Don't get me wrong I have been throught same thing. I got amrit, my parents were not happy. My 25 years old brother still insults me for wearing dastaar. My parents are not too happy, but my tying dastaar dosnt break us apart either. If i could tell you most important thing is... no matter howw much you get MAD SAD and do various things to make your family close to sikhi... nothing will work out! BUT if you forget tht your family is manmukh and concentrate ALL THT ENERGY IN MAKNG YOURSELF A GURSIKH... MIRACLES CAN HAPPEN!!!! your family will look at your chardi kala and be inspired and themselve move in sikhi! It works! Trust me.. its a true experience!

Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa
Vaheguru ji ki Fateh

Guru ji's daughter,

I completely get where you are coming from.. But some things just cannot wait...
I tried my hardest to not hurt my parents's feelings.. but like taking amrit.. bibek couldn't wait either..
Like my parents said wait until 18 to take amrit.. I couldn't wait..
Guru sahib compelled me to take amrit.. Its intense..the feeling is really intense.. too intense.. sometimes even too much for me to handle..

My family isn't manmukh.. My mom does numerous sehag paaths in the year..does nitnem as well.....
my dad is the one that drives me to all of the rainsabayees.. and has an obsession with dulla jee( Bhai Tejinderpal Singh jee)

I didn't do anything to make my family close to sikhi.. With full heart i believe guru sahib did kirpaa on them.. I can't do anything.. .

I agree..that my krodh and ego are always over my head...

But I definitely feel that without bibek that you cannot keep 5 vices in check....keeping vices in check is really really really really really hard.. and bibek really definitely helps me....
Before I kept bibek I suffered from severe severe anxiety.. like I couldn't take any tests.. I would be so nervous. I would get panic attacks.. and it was really really bad.. It was interfering with my life to the point my school guidance counselor recommended that I go on ..
anxiety meds..... I had low self esteem.. I was just a wreck.. and my life was just terrible..
and after amrit everything changed.
keeping bibek changed my life for the good...
I feel so much better about my life..
and even though I struggle with bibek and family accepting me..
Its all worth it in the end
it is impossible to make any progress without bibek....
In this website there is an article by bhai kulbir singh jee: that all naam kamayee is lost without bibek...
Like if you really really think about it:
Who makes amrit?
Panj Pyaarae
Can anybody make amrit?
NO

Food after amrit sanchaar should be blessed by guru..
i feel like without bibek you can't do abhiyaas... or make any kamayee.. i mean you can but its really really hard.

Like the panj at amrit sanchaars are the one that do 2 hours naam abhiyaas everyday and more than normal nitnem..
think about the feeling you get when you come back from a rainsaabayee.. i feel like most amazing.. and I just want to maintain that.. and i have been so frustrated.. and unable to cope.. a few days after rainsabayee my mind cannot cope with anything.. WIth bibek.. i can maintain that feeling..

( Bibek made me a calmer and a more relaxed person, I am more able to cope with my life.. I have much less anxiety.... all the counselors are surprised at my progress.. and they tell me i look like i am more at peace now)

I love my family..my parents have always felt bad about my sikhee.. but their feelings have changed.. My mom used to hate my dastaar and now she is okay with it.. and my dad thought it was weird ... and now he is proud of my dastaar.. and he proud of me.... and i struggled with more things.. but each time my parents have changed their perspective on what is good and what is bad.. because through my following sikhee ( which i couldn't do without guru sahib's kirpaa).. i can be nothing without ( guru sahib) guru sahib made me everything i am today..
through my sikhi.. i worked to show them that quitting eggs isn't a terrible thing and not eating fish and chicken isn't bad either..and dastaar is a crown.. and that kesh are a gift from guru sahib....

my life has been filled with struggles.. and I don't cry about my kismat.... I cry from not feeling love..I just feel like i am not loved sometimes.
I cry that my family won't love me and accept me for what i am.... and that they won't want me..
I know past karmas play a hand in this.. but it hurts.. and sometimes the pain becomes unbearable. so I made the post on gurmatbibek..
.



So in total guru ji's daughter,

FOR ME: bibek has been nothing but a miracle.. and writing my anonymous post on gurmatbibek.com was a way for me to cope with my family..

And people's support really matters to mee.. because it whenever i feel hurt i can look at people's encouraging words and my spirits become uplifted...i feel like yes I can do this.. all of this can be done....

And besides there is no wait until i get married to keep bibek.. because seriously..anything could happen.. I could die.. I could get a serious disease.. and i could not have much longer to live..

I am no gursikh. .and i don't know much about what i just said..

Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa
Vaheguru ji ki Fateh

Hey, I am so pleased to hear your staying strong throughout all of this. Since your very first post, you sound a little calmer and…dare I say it… a little more accepting of the situation- no more 'I cant cope with this'- which is great! You’re a lil warrior.

Hmmm…Bibek… I don’t know too much about it but you said it helps to keep away the five vices. I’m interested. I suffer MASSIVELY from a short temper (i.e. khrod). I am extremely hot headed and I find that when someone says something to annoy/upset me I just can’t cope. I’m not a confrontational person so I can’t vent my frustration by shouting and screaming back. (Plus when you’re no longer 10 years old, it’s not the best way to deal with a situation) So instead I sit and vent inwardly. Its awful because it almost paralyses me. I cant sleep or concentrate at work. It makes me really miserable and it upsets me.. I spend every hour of the day going over it in my head…when im driving…when im a work…cleaning the dishes…showering and worst of all when im doing my Nitnem! I don’t realise when I have finished the Japji Sahib and moved on to the Chaupai Sahib because I’m in constant thought about what was said to me/ how I was mistreated/ treated unfairly.

It is one particular person in the household who has this affect on me. I don’t want to respond back negatively because I don’t want to create a scene and dramatise the situation, so I’m looking for an alternative coping mechanism. Bibek sounds like the answer…?

I want to be able to forget what is said to me and move on. But I always feel that because I don’t say anything back, the other person has won! That they got one over on me! But something stops me from responding in the heat of the moment and nipping it in the bud.

I would really like to learn more about Bibek like how long it takes to have effect, and how to practice it….?

If anyone knows of any other mechanisms to cope with this situation please share…I would really appreciate some help.

Wonderful post Singhni jee!

Learner jee, dietary bibek alone won't destroy vikaars, but in combination with naam/bani it is of significant help. I encourage you to read this article: [gurmatbibek.com]. A lot of times people who do a lot of bhagti but don't keep rehit are driven down by vikaars, because though they may be doing kamayee they are also losing a lot of it by not obeying Guru Sahib's hukams. Keeping bibek - including dietary bibek, simran bibek, and rehit bibek - is really important to help us progress faster in our kamayee so that we are less susceptible to vikaars.

I encourage you to read through the articles on this website to learn more about bibek. There are some real gems of valuable gurmat advice on this site that you really have to read. Also, go to the message board index (the second thread on the forum page) and scroll down to "Bibek/Sarbloh" as well as "Gurmat Bibek" and read through the articles there as well. Most of the questions you will have, have already been discussed there.

Good luck jee.

Learner Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hey, I am so pleased to hear your staying strong
> throughout all of this. Since your very first
> post, you sound a little calmer and…dare I say
> it… a little more accepting of the situation- no
> more 'I cant cope with this'- which is great!
> You’re a lil warrior.
>
> Hmmm…Bibek… I don’t know too much about it
> but you said it helps to keep away the five vices.
> I’m interested. I suffer MASSIVELY from a short
> temper (i.e. khrod). I am extremely hot headed and
> I find that when someone says something to
> annoy/upset me I just can’t cope. I’m not a
> confrontational person so I can’t vent my
> frustration by shouting and screaming back. (Plus
> when you’re no longer 10 years old, it’s not
> the best way to deal with a situation) So instead
> I sit and vent inwardly. Its awful because it
> almost paralyses me. I cant sleep or concentrate
> at work. It makes me really miserable and it
> upsets me.. I spend every hour of the day going
> over it in my head…when im driving…when im a
> work…cleaning the dishes…showering and worst
> of all when im doing my Nitnem! I don’t realise
> when I have finished the Japji Sahib and moved on
> to the Chaupai Sahib because I’m in constant
> thought about what was said to me/ how I was
> mistreated/ treated unfairly.
>
> It is one particular person in the household who
> has this affect on me. I don’t want to respond
> back negatively because I don’t want to create a
> scene and dramatise the situation, so I’m
> looking for an alternative coping mechanism. Bibek
> sounds like the answer…?
>
> I want to be able to forget what is said to me and
> move on. But I always feel that because I don’t
> say anything back, the other person has won! That
> they got one over on me! But something stops me
> from responding in the heat of the moment and
> nipping it in the bud.
>
> I would really like to learn more about Bibek like
> how long it takes to have effect, and how to
> practice it….?
>
> If anyone knows of any other mechanisms to cope
> with this situation please share…I would really
> appreciate some help.

the answer here to everyone's issue above - listen to this katha of chaupi sahib and then do the abhyiaas and see the results for yourself - and also report back here please on how u r doing:

[www.gianikulwantsingh.com]

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh Singhni jio,
u were 17 at khandey batey ji pahul so should be 18 now ji?

Waheguru,
I had more information in my post about my mother being much younger than Singhni, and
was cooking, sewing, doing entire home chores for parents, siblings, then my father, and us
9 children...and she could speak Japanese, Chinese, English, Malay, and Tamil very fluent besides
Gurmukhi.
Also, my former work colleague could do oil change, repair her vehicle, besides being excellent cook, office worker as her father told her never to rely on anyone for anything.
Singhni, my point is you have to do what you need to obey Punj Pyare Hukam as you made the promise to them, not your parents, and you are never too young, old, or feminine to accomplish success jio!