when people yell at you

what should a person in a situation when someone yells at them really bad and say horrible things. angry people in my family yell at me, if it's over the phone i hang up the phone on them, if it's in my face, i go to my room and lock the door and don't come out till they leave the house or they are in their room, my response is usually just withdrawing and i stop talking to them and don't show my face to them for days ,and i end up crying a lot alone silently because of it. how else can i deal with this? my head begins to hurt really badly and have thought of moving out but am not able to right now...and when i did leave home for some time, people in the sikh community told me i should be living at my parents house and a lot of them passed really horrible comments..i felt like since i was alone they would try to even be more horrible and these people were all dastar wearing amritdari sikhs

any suggestions anyone?

thanx a lot.

i forgot to add this, how do you handle people who belittle you? like family members who do this? and should you accept things or money from them? and they act controlling because they know you are dependent on them, what should you do other than praying to God to help? or is this God's way of teaching some kind of a lesson or is it a punishment or a test from God?

maybe this is wrong but inside my heart i pray to God to bring a day in their lives too when their wealth leaves, because of the weath or power they make the poorer person feel pain, even if it is a family member, i have these thoughts and i know that guru ji says, buray da bhala kar, but sometimes its so severe a curse is what comes about and not a blessing.

does God punish those who give others pain because they are in a situation of power because they have more money than you?

I know how/what you may be going through all this. Simple advice, hang in there, and know that it won't be this way forever

Well it's really painful for me..... I feel disrespected. I get no help in cleaning up the house and so I clean bit by bit around the house and then I get yelled at that I don't do anything which feels horrible and then I think ok maybe I shouldn't do anything at all then people can see that yeah I haven't done anything cos that's what they keep saying anyway even when I do whatever I can. My heads been hurting so bad since the morning right after I got yelled at so bad and I haven't been able to study today at all because of this, I had to call the crisis place to talk to a counselor. why are they so mean?

ur supposed to say
MUHAHAHAHA
uh
HAHAAHA

bibi jeo , i can understand ... as at times i have to go through such panic situations ..... if i do then i am yelled and if i don't then again...no way out...but when my family members shout at me....i say "whatever you say ...is just out of my reach...whether bad/slow or good/fast ..this is ur daughter" and then make it funny by saying " u made me like that....galti te aapji di haan..." they smile...topic closed...after a couple of hours...the same things happen by maintaining a loop..it is like my daily routine sometimes things get really so bad that ..i am slapped ...but waheguru this brings me closer to Guru Sahib(u'd be experiencing too na).
and yes it is very hard that besides your study u r taking care of ur house..
now a days i clean my house daily..then prepare food (thrice a day)..clean utensils...wash clothes...and then 6-7 hours at IT college daily...and study also...waehguru i don't have an avastha as u know but want to say that things become easier when u do them by heart ...as if i do someone's work ..i won't be so attentive as if it is mine... u can try to do every work as if it is your own.... or here is an alternative...one of my friends used to do all her work..of home(even she had mom and dee at home) when we were in school...when i asked her ..she said...i feel like the next moment Guru jee will come...and i want my house clean..when Guru jee enter.....and the other used to say ...my parents don't allow me to go out to do sewa of sangat...but i love it so much that ...i clean my house and feel like i am cleaning Gurudwara Sahib...i wash utensils and feel like washing Sees utensils at Gru ka Langar....list goes on....bibi jeo... i hope the love of these 2 bibiyaan would help you tackle the situation

Guru Sahib ji says, "Ona paas duas na bhittiye jin anta krodh chandaal", keep your distance, do AS MUCH bani as possible because only bani can help us get through life and through the journey of the soul.

If things get really bad speak to a group of 5 singhs about this and maybe have them come over and talk to your parents about this.

Please read this shabad [sikhitothemax.com]

ਊਚਾਨਹੀਕਹਣਾਮਨਮਹਿਰਹਣਾਆਪੇਜਾਣੈਆਪਿਕਰੇ ॥੩॥
oochaa nehee kehanaa man mehi rehanaa aapae jaanai aap karae ||3||
"Do not speak out loud - remain in your mind. The Lord Himself knows, and He Himself acts. ||3||"

Please listen to the shabad here [www.akj.org]

Vjkk Vjkf,

I get that a lot to, what i do is just do vaheguru simran in my mind. I used to argue back a lot until my friend Tanvir Singh give me this advice. and it really helps keeps you calm.

Rabnit Singh

As Bheinji, herself says it; all these experiences of life seem God's way of training our personalities. It is really difficult for the world to understand the life style and priorities of a Gursikh. Parents and other family members have their worldly expectations. But the sikh lives at a different plane. His realties are different from the people around him/her. To strike the balance and translate his style for the people around, is the challenge to a sikh.

Guru Sahib was slapped, the say, by his father. Then Guru Sahib was also kicked at by his senior family members. We are poor sikhs of the GURU. We can never be so. But we can learn lessons.

Anonymous has good piece of advice. It is also the SEWA we do at home.

i was told me get out of the house like 2 years before and i did leave for 8 months. when i remember those words, the time it brings back dreadful feelings and memories. all of you are right and i will do my best to follow the advice you all have suggested. i couldn't sleep and the only solution to it was doing simran on my mala in the dark at night after doing so i finally felt at rest and in the morning i got an apology...

Marriage is a bliss and it is ANAND. It brings happiness in our lives. All must try it.

Vaheguroo!

From my own experiences: I've spent alot of time hoping and wishing for things to get better at home, but the situation has only gotten harder over the years, and escalated in recent months. But that shabad linked by Amritvela jee, gives the perfect advice, especially the tuk, "aasaa bheethar rehai niraasaa tho naanak eaek milai ||4||" ... In the midst of hope, remain untouched by hope; then, O Nanak, you shall meet the Lord.

The difficulties that gursikhs must face, always have faced, are the perfect opportunity given to us to learn how to kill our minds, and in particular our desires. Imagine getting to the stage where we can live in the midst of anxiety and chaos, and be okay with it, and not to need for it to get easier - Jo bhavai kartar.... Tera bhanna meethha lagai.... what a huge spiritual accomplishment that would be.

Leafy Jeeo!
WaheGuruJiKaKhalsa ll WaheGuruJiKiFateh ll

All these good and bad reactions an individual gets are all the results of the Karams of previous lives. If an individual is mistreated, it is because that individual is reaping the rewards from previous life forms.

But if we do immense amount of Paatth and Simran, those both good and bad Karams can be erased in one second. Then such situations do not linger on for too long.

As Mehtab Singh has stated,

Quote

Simple advice, hang in there, and know that it won't be this way forever

Do not worry about it. Guru Sahib supports and protects his Khalsa all the time. Even some greatest GurSikhs had to reap the rewards of bad Karams from previous lives, we all have to go through it.

But Baani/Naam can reduce the pain and suffering.

Sorry for anything that I might have wrongly said.

WaheGuruJiKaKhalsa ll WaheGuruJiKiFateh ll

My parents used to yell at me a lot too, often for nothing. What I noticed is that as I began to indulge in Naam bani more, their treatment of me became better. I didn't do paath for this reason, I tried to stay nishkaam. So, do more NISHKAAM abhyaaas, the bad karams will be erased and you will be treated better (in time, the change occured over several months for me).

Also, stop caring so much what they think. Part of you is probably seeking their approval, which makes it hurt more. Stop caring, keep doing ardass to maharaj to raise you above the chakkar of maya moh tamasha and for chardikala.

In the end, you still may need to make life changes such as getting a job if that's what's required. We face challenges so that we may grow. Look at the situation, what is the seed of growth here for me ???

anonymous's advice is excellent.

thanx you're right.....

Quote

Marriage is a bliss and it is ANAND. It brings happiness in our lives. All must try it.

Bhai Sahib this thread is on how to deal with people yelling, not on how to get more people to yell

LOL
HAHHAHHA
mehtaab singh ji does it again

No Singh jee, nothing like that. I am not yet blessed with this ANAND so I let my sister do the yelling honors.

To stay on topic and add on to what other Gurmukh pyaare have stated, at times we need to give others some time. Leafy bhenji, maybe they need to get used to your GurSikhi lifestyle. I know that elders/relatives who are not used to the GurSikhi lifestyle can freak out LOL. So relax and give them time as well. Also, there is a saying in Punjabi, "thaalee ikk hath naal nahi vajjdi", which literally means you can't clap with one hand. Maybe its time for some introspection as well, as you would need to find out what exactly enrages them and causes them to yell at you. Maybe they don't like something which you do or don't do. May be they need help in the kitchen and you are busy surfing Gurmat Bibek (just kidding), or maybe they want you to watch the Hindi soap operas with them on TV (please beg them to spare you if thats the case). In either case, you would need to find out what exactly triggers the yelling and try to resolve it, PROVIDED you don't go against Gurmat. If they want you to watch a movie or watch TV, and you are not interested due to GurSikhi reasons, then you got to tell them directly BUT with compassion and in a respectful manner. I shouldn't be asking this, but I don't know how old you are and how you speak to your elders. There are instances where young sons and daughters in western countries don't speak respectfully with their elders (not saying that you are the same), and that is another cause of parents yelling when they find that their kid is disrespectful (not saying you are).

In either case, wishing you all the best

Quote

Bhai Sahib this thread is on how to deal with people yelling, not on how to get more people to yell

Veer Ji, you are right. Sometimes marriages may also add to yelling. But, my experiece is positive. Many years of marriage, I was never abused. So, I thought it proper to suggest it to every one.

As far as the yelling by outsiders is concerned, I feel that the couple is always in a better position to tackle it. Generally, relatives or others do not mistreat married persons. Couples are safe. One and one makes eleven.

why the unfair treatment for the single people then? lemme guess, they think you are a kid so you are yelling material

[www.sikhitothemax.com]

Yeller has a sense of insecurity, about himself or his target. It is the weakness on his part, not strength. The person yelled gets mental strength in the process. I think so.

MB singh ji, that's a nice way of seeing the whole scenario from a totally different angle