pre-marriage?

gurfateh jeoo,

I've got a couple of years before it'll be my time, but I was just wondering what is the appropriate contact allowed with the person you are thinking of marrying is? i.e what kind and how much conversation is allowed, and how long should this period be before actual marriage is decided?

How can and how do you know that it will be a particular person?

Sorry, maybe I should have been clearer. What I mean is when you have been suggested a match by someone, eg. Gursikhs and then the families have met and all criteria have been matched etc. but before deciding for definite to marry, there is a period to get to know the person.

It would be nice to know how elder gursikhs here actually "went through the process" . Have no clue about to be honest. In other words the right procedure for this issue.

jeeez..feel so awkward asking

Chota veer

First of all it's not wise to have too much time between the time a Rishta is finalized and Anand Karaj.

Secondly, there is no concept of having any sort of special relationship unless the couple is married. The relationship should be normal relationship that all Gursikhs have with each other i.e that of siblings but in this case, the contact should be minimized because of obvious reasons.

Most of the ones who do keep contact, end up making mistakes. Even if they don't make mistakes, they become very close emotionally and in the event this Anand Karaj does not take place for whatever reason, it can have a devastating effect on the couple.

A Gursikh should always be careful that none of his or her actions should stain the White chador of Sikhi.

Kulbir Singh

Thank you bhai sahib for your reply, I see so in fact it is better to have less contact with the person to avoid problems.

I was just wondering then if anyone who has been through the process in the jatha, especially if from UK, you can share your experience? I undersand in jatha you can approach the jathedar or gursikhs and they can suggest you anyone else who has asked them and from this point it goes to families. Is it that once everything has been decided as ok on paper, eg. age, rehat requirements, job match, etc. that marriage is decided even without knowing the person? For example, what if they did not even live in the same town as you and you had never even seen them before?