With all this nuisance over inter-faith weddings taking place in Gurughars, looks like everyone forgot to actually try and understand the real meaning behind the 4 Laavaan. In our modern world, if you give false witness, false testimony, forge signatures, or commit any sort of plagiarism or perjury, you are held accountable and legally punished. Why are rules any different when it comes to Anand Karaj? The people who think its okay for a Sikh and non-Sikh to get married at a Gurduara really need to understand the meaning of Laavaan. Ofcourse anyone can visit the Gurduara to pay his/her respects to Dhann Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaj, and he/she can/should do so out of his/her own conviction, devotion and free will. No compulsion! However, when it comes to wedding, that is something where you take vows in the presence of a Master who you owe allegiance to. Would it make any sense for a non-Sikh, who owes absolutely NO allegiance to Dhann Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaj, coming to the Gurduara and FAKING it? What is the point of taking such vows when you don’t even belong, or see yourself as someone belonging to Dhann Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaj?
Anyways, lets take a look at what Gurbani says about Laavaan.
Here are some thoughts trying to understand each pankti in Laavaan, and responding to those Sikhs as well as non-Sikhs who take Anand Karaj so lightly.
Please forgive and correct me wherever I may seem incorrect in trying to understand Gurbani.
Dhann Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaj: Ang 773-774
ਸੂਹੀ ਮਹਲਾ ੪ ॥
Soohee, Fourth Mehl:
ਹਰਿ ਪਹਿਲੜੀ ਲਾਵ ਪਰਵਿਰਤੀ ਕਰਮ ਦ੍ਰਿੜਾਇਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥ In the first round of the marriage ceremony, the Lord sets out His Instructions for performing the daily duties of married life.
Note: Notice how it says ਕਰਮ ਦ੍ਰਿੜਾਇਆ, your duties, the instructions you have to follow. Its not a contract the way it is in Islamic customs. So how can a non-Sikh stand upto these?
ਬਾਣੀ ਬ੍ਰਹਮਾ ਵੇਦੁ ਧਰਮੁ ਦ੍ਰਿੜਹੁ ਪਾਪ ਤਜਾਇਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥ Instead of the hymns of the Vedas to Brahma, embrace the righteous conduct of Dharma, and renounce sinful actions.
Note: A non-Sikh who sees Brahma as the creator would be acting hypocritically because Gurbani here clearly says to ਧਰਮੁ ਦ੍ਰਿੜਹੁ instead of worshiping Brahma.
ਧਰਮੁ ਦ੍ਰਿੜਹੁ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਧਿਆਵਹੁ ਸਿਮ੍ਰਿਤਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਦ੍ਰਿੜਾਇਆ ॥ Meditate on the Lord’s Name; embrace and enshrine the contemplative remembrance of the Naam.
Note: This kirpa (ਨਾਮੁ ਦ੍ਰਿੜਾਇਆ ) is received from the Panj Pyaare in the form of Naan Dridd (ਧਰਮੁ ਦ੍ਰਿੜਹੁ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਧਿਆਵਹੁ).
ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਗੁਰੁ ਪੂਰਾ ਆਰਾਧਹੁ ਸਭਿ ਕਿਲਵਿਖ ਪਾਪ ਗਵਾਇਆ ॥ Worship and adore the Guru, the Perfect True Guru, and all your sins shall be dispelled.
Note: Anyone standing before Dhann Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaj is commanded over here to ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਗੁਰੁ ਪੂਰਾ ਆਰਾਧਹੁ, so once again, a non-Sikh who worships 330 million deities, or owes allegiance to other Prophets would be acting hypocritically.
ਸਹਜ ਅਨੰਦੁ ਹੋਆ ਵਡਭਾਗੀ ਮਨਿ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਮੀਠਾ ਲਾਇਆ ॥ By great good fortune, celestial bliss is attained, and the Lord, Har, Har, seems sweet to the mind.
ਜਨੁ ਕਹੈ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਲਾਵ ਪਹਿਲੀ ਆਰੰਭੁ ਕਾਜੁ ਰਚਾਇਆ ॥੧॥ Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the first round of the marriage ceremony, the marriage ceremony has begun. ||1||
ਹਰਿ ਦੂਜੜੀ ਲਾਵ ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਪੁਰਖੁ ਮਿਲਾਇਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥ In the second round of the marriage ceremony, the Lord leads you to meet the True Guru, the Primal Being.
Note: Clearly, ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਪੁਰਖੁ ਮਿਲਾਇਆ refers to meeting the True Guru, thus referring to coming on the path of Sikhi.
ਨਿਰਭਉ ਭੈ ਮਨੁ ਹੋਇ ਹਉਮੈ ਮੈਲੁ ਗਵਾਇਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥ With the Fear of God, the Fearless Lord in the mind, the filth of egotism is eradicated.
Note: Who has the Fearless Lord in mind?
ਹਰਿ ਜਪਿ ਲਾਹਾ ਅਗਲਾ ਨਿਰਭਉ ਹਰਿ ਮਨ ਮਾਹ ॥੪॥੨੩॥ Those who chant the Name of the Lord earn great profits; the Fearless Lord abides within their minds. ||4||23|| (Ang 23).
Note: Who chants His Name?
ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਗਿਆਨੁ ਏਕੋ ਹੈ ਜਾਤਾ ਅਨਦਿਨੁ ਨਾਮੁ ਰਵੀਜੈ ਹੇ ॥੧੩॥ The Gurmukh knows the spiritual wisdom of the One Lord. Night and day, he chants the Naam, the Name of the Lord. ||13|| (Ang 1050). A Gurmukh! The one who lives by the word of the Guru!
Note: ਹਉਮੈ ਮੈਲੁ ਗਵਾਇਆ, means the filth of egotism is eradicated. How to eradicate ਹਉਮੈ? In the words of Bhai Gurdas Jee (Vaar 13, Pauri 2):
ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਗੁਰਮੰਤ੍ਰ ਹੈ ਜਪਿ ਹਉਮੈ ਖੋਈ। His Guru-manta is Vahiguru, whose recitation erases egotism. Who recites ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ? A Sikh or non-Sikh? Ofcourse no one is going to stop a blessed non-Sikh from reciting ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ, but who ends up getting Naan Dridd from Panj Pyaare? A Sikh!
ਨਿਰਮਲੁ ਭਉ ਪਾਇਆ ਹਰਿ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਇਆ ਹਰਿ ਵੇਖੈ ਰਾਮੁ ਹਦੂਰੇ ॥ In the Fear of God, the Immaculate Lord, sing the Glorious Praises of the Lord, and behold the Lord’s Presence before you.
Note: Fear God! That is another command over here! Those who wish to commit perjury before Guru Sahib SHOULD fear God! And in that fear, sing His praises!
Note: But why fear God? ਭੋਲਤਣਿ ਭੈ ਮਨਿ ਵਸੈ ਹੇਕੈ ਪਾਧਰ ਹੀਡੁ ॥ The Fear of God abides in the mind of the innocent; this is the straight path to the One Lord. (Ang 1091).
Note: ਹਰਿ ਵੇਖੈ ਰਾਮੁ ਹਦੂਰੇ, the couple are standing before Dhann Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaj who they should see as ਹਰਿ, as ਰਾਮੁ, not anyone else.
ਹਰਿ ਆਤਮ ਰਾਮੁ ਪਸਾਰਿਆ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਸਰਬ ਰਹਿਆ ਭਰਪੂਰੇ ॥ The Lord, the Supreme Soul, is the Lord and Master of the Universe; He is pervading and permeating everywhere, fully filling all spaces.
Note: The same cannot be said about deities/avtaars and/or Prophets who are no more. They are not ਸਰਬ ਰਹਿਆ ਭਰਪੂਰੇ.
ਅੰਤਰਿ ਬਾਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਏਕੋ ਮਿਲਿ ਹਰਿ ਜਨ ਮੰਗਲ ਗਾਏ ॥ Deep within, and outside as well, there is only the One Lord God. Meeting together, the humble servants of the Lord sing the songs of joy.
Note: Only One God, ਹਰਿ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਏਕੋ, thus no chance of 330 million deities, no chance of any Prophet/Messenger, only One God.
Note: ਗੁਰ ਬਚਨੀ ਅਵਿਗਤਿ ਸਮਾਈਐ ਤਤੁ ਨਿਰੰਜਨੁ ਸਹਜਿ ਲਹੈ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਦੂਜੀ ਕਾਰ ਨ ਕਰਣੀ ਸੇਵੈ ਸਿਖੁ ਸੁ ਖੋਜਿ ਲਹੈ ॥ Through the Guru’s Word, one merges in the absolute, and intuitively receives the immaculate essence. O Nanak, that Sikh who seeks and finds the Way does not serve any other (Ang 940). Thus, only a Sikh who serves only the True Guru!
ਜਨ ਨਾਨਕ ਦੂਜੀ ਲਾਵ ਚਲਾਈ ਅਨਹਦ ਸਬਦ ਵਜਾਏ ॥੨॥ Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the second round of the marriage ceremony, the unstruck sound current of the Shabad resounds. ||2||
ਹਰਿ ਤੀਜੜੀ ਲਾਵ ਮਨਿ ਚਾਉ ਭਇਆ ਬੈਰਾਗੀਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥ In the third round of the marriage ceremony, the mind is filled with Divine Love.
ਸੰਤ ਜਨਾ ਹਰਿ ਮੇਲੁ ਹਰਿ ਪਾਇਆ ਵਡਭਾਗੀਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥ Meeting with the humble Saints of the Lord, I have found the Lord, by great good fortune.
Note: Who is fortunate according to Gurbani? ਭੂਲੇ ਮਾਰਗੁ ਜਿਨਹਿ ਬਤਾਇਆ ॥ ਐਸਾ ਗੁਰੁ ਵਡਭਾਗੀ ਪਾਇਆ ॥੧॥ He places the one who strays back on the Path;Such a Guru is found by great good fortune. ||1|| (Ang 803). The one who finds a True Guru is fortunate, meaning a Sikh!
ਨਿਰਮਲੁ ਹਰਿ ਪਾਇਆ ਹਰਿ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਇਆ ਮੁਖਿ ਬੋਲੀ ਹਰਿ ਬਾਣੀ ॥ I have found the Immaculate Lord, and I sing the Glorious Praises of the Lord. I speak the Word of the Lord’s Bani.
Note: ਮੁਖਿ ਬੋਲੀ ਹਰਿ ਬਾਣੀ, referring to Gurbani, implying that a Sikh lives his/her life based on the teachings of Gurbani. How can a non-Sikh seriously bound himself/herself to such a vow?
ਸੰਤ ਜਨਾ ਵਡਭਾਗੀ ਪਾਇਆ ਹਰਿ ਕਥੀਐ ਅਕਥ ਕਹਾਣੀ ॥ By great good fortune, I have found the humble Saints, and I speak the Unspoken Speech of the Lord.
Note: Again, who is fortunate? ਗੁਰ ਕਾ ਸਿਖੁ ਵਡਭਾਗੀ ਹੇ ॥ The Sikh of the Guru is very fortunate. (Ang 286)
ਹਿਰਦੈ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਧੁਨਿ ਉਪਜੀ ਹਰਿ ਜਪੀਐ ਮਸਤਕਿ ਭਾਗੁ ਜੀਉ ॥ The Name of the Lord, Har, Har, Har, vibrates and resounds within my heart; meditating on the Lord, I have realized the destiny inscribed upon my forehead.
Note: Who has such a destiny? ਜਨ ਨਾਨਕ ਜਿਸ ਦੈ ਮਸਤਕਿ ਭਾਗੁ ਧੁਰਿ ਲਿਖਿਆ ਸੋ ਸਿਖੁ ਗੁਰੂ ਪਹਿ ਆਵੈ ॥ O servant Nanak, one who has such pre-ordained destiny inscribed upon his forehead – that Sikh comes to the Guru (Ang 960). A Sikh has such a destiny, a Sikh who comes to the True Guru!
ਜਨੁ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਬੋਲੇ ਤੀਜੀ ਲਾਵੈ ਹਰਿ ਉਪਜੈ ਮਨਿ ਬੈਰਾਗੁ ਜੀਉ ॥੩॥ Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the third round of the marriage ceremony, the mind is filled with Divine Love for the Lord. ||3||
ਹਰਿ ਚਉਥੜੀ ਲਾਵ ਮਨਿ ਸਹਜੁ ਭਇਆ ਹਰਿ ਪਾਇਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥ In the fourth round of the marriage ceremony, my mind has become peaceful; I have found the Lord.
ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਮਿਲਿਆ ਸੁਭਾਇ ਹਰਿ ਮਨਿ ਤਨਿ ਮੀਠਾ ਲਾਇਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥ As Gurmukh, I have met Him, with intuitive ease; the Lord seems so sweet to my mind and body.
Note: ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਮਿਲਿਆ ਸੁਭਾਇ, meaning as Gurmukh, I have met Him, with intuitive ease. Where does it say “as Manmukh, or as non-Sikh, I have met Him”? Who are these people trying to fool when they say anyone can get married in the Gurduara?
ਹਰਿ ਮੀਠਾ ਲਾਇਆ ਮੇਰੇ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਭਾਇਆ ਅਨਦਿਨੁ ਹਰਿ ਲਿਵ ਲਾਈ ॥ The Lord seems so sweet; I am pleasing to my God. Night and day, I lovingly focus my consciousness on the Lord.
Note: Who focuses their their consciousness on the Lord? ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਗਾਵੈ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਨਾਚੈ ਹਰਿ ਸੇਤੀ ਚਿਤੁ ਲਾਵਣਿਆ ॥ The Gurmukhs sing, the Gurmukhs dance, and focus their consciousness on the Lord (Ang 124). A Gurmukh! The one who lives his/her life based on the Guru’s teachings, a GurSikh!
ਮਨ ਚਿੰਦਿਆ ਫਲੁ ਪਾਇਆ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮਿ ਵਜੀ ਵਾਧਾਈ ॥ I have obtained my Lord and Master, the fruit of my mind’s desires. The Lord’s Name resounds and resonates.
Note: Where does this Name resonate? ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਮਿਲਿ ਰਹੀਐ ਘਰਿ ਵਾਜਹਿ ਸਬਦ ਘਨੇਰੇ ਰਾਮ ॥ Let us gather together as Gurmukh; within the home of our own heart, the Shabad vibrates and resonates (Ang 775). It resonates in the hearts of Gurmukhs, those GurSikhs who live their lives based on the Guru’s teachings!
ਹਰਿ ਪ੍ਰਭਿ ਠਾਕੁਰਿ ਕਾਜੁ ਰਚਾਇਆ ਧਨ ਹਿਰਦੈ ਨਾਮਿ ਵਿਗਾਸੀ ॥ The Lord God, my Lord and Master, blends with His bride, and her heart blossoms forth in the Naam.
Note: Who blends in with the True Lord? ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਕਰਣੀ ਸਚੇ ਸੇਵਹਿ ਸਾਚੇ ਜਾਇ ਸਮਾਵਣਿਆ ॥੫॥ The life-style of the Gurmukh is to serve the True Lord. He goes and blends with the True Lord. ||5|| (Ang 113). A Gurmukh does, a GurSikh who lives his/her life based on the Guru’s teachings!
ਜਨੁ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਬੋਲੇ ਚਉਥੀ ਲਾਵੈ ਹਰਿ ਪਾਇਆ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਅਵਿਨਾਸੀ ॥੪॥੨॥ Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the fourth round of the marriage ceremony, we have found the Eternal Lord God. ||4||2||
Let there be no doubt people! Anand Karaj is not just a mere ceremony or ritual! It is a gift to us from Guru Sahib, lets not waste it just because we want to keep others (who may not be deserving) happy!
Bottom line, if someone is that desperate to get married (Sikh and non-Sikh), please go ahead with court marriage and do a reception party later on where your family members can come meet you with gifts and bless you. Please do NOT try to justify your personal convenience by trying to propagate false notions that anyone can get married in a Gurduara.
People these days love using a phrase that has become too boring as its repetitive. They say “Sikhism is all about acceptance”. Ofcourse it is, but why should this always be a one-sided affair? Why should Sikhism always accept everyone, why can’t those people accept Sikhism? Why accept Sikhism only when it suits you and back off when it doesn’t?
To those non-Sikhs who are interested in getting married to their Sikh companion at a Gurduara, well, no one can really stop you because either you’ve paid good money to the Gyani, or you have very good relations with one or more of the committee members. But think about this, are you really that shameless that you take a vow, a pledge, in front of the Master you know nothing about, the Master you DON’T owe any allegiance to? If you are that hell-bent on marrying a Sikh boy/girl, why can you not adopt the Sikh way of life and commit yourself to it? You can’t make that commitment with the One who made you, what sort of commitment will you make with the one you are marrying? Again, why should Sikhism and Sikhs always have to accept you, why can’t you accept Sikhism? Would you dare to commit an act of perjury in the modern world? I guess not, because you would go to prison. So how dare you commit an act of perjury in the house of SatGuru Sache Paatshaah? When you can’t and don’t stand upto the commitment you are making, why fake it?
A married life started on the basis of hypocrisy and perjury right in front of Dhann Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaj, I am not sure how far it will take you.
But anyways, good luck to anyone who still wants to go ahead with perjury. We still pray for your happiness and wish you well.
Mehtab Singh
ps: Please do forgive and correct any errors I may have made in trying to understand Gurbani.