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Gurmat way for this time period

Posted by bsingh 
Gurmat way for this time period
September 03, 2012 04:57AM
waheguru jee ka khalsa waheguru jee kee fateh


Guru Pyari Sadh Sangat jee, is requested to put some light for the engaged Sikh Boy & Girl that what should be theirideal behaviour during the gap time period i.e. from Engagement to Marriage (different in case to case , some time it is in few months for others it may be in 1-2 years too).

I have heard some engaged gursikhs called each other Veerjee and Bhenjee during this period, some even try to get inspire from each other for the gursikhi jeevan, some recite gurbani on phone etc etc. but some do excess talkings (phone or otherwise) with each other & also stuck up in the maya trap & indulge in moh, vikars and immatured acts, which many times resultant in break up of engagement. They have also a guilt of breaking a comittment which they accepted in front of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Maharaj jee.

Pyari Sadh Sangat, especially married Veers & Bhens, kindly put some light on this issue _/\_ and help your younger brothers / sisters to be in Chardi kalaaa jee.

Waheguru jee ka khalsa waheguru jee kee fateh
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Re: Gurmat way for this time period
September 04, 2012 01:51PM
I know i am not that qualified to answer here.. but since nobody else replied Ill say something

I think you answered your own question veerji..
I think that before you get married one should address their fiancee is veerjee and bhenjee .. and take inspiration from each other..
Perhaps the engaged couple should do naam simran together.. via phone.. ?
If any problem arises the engaged couple should do ardaas to guroo sahib and then take hukamnama. And then guroo sahib will tell the engaged couple what to do...

Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa
Vaheguru ji ki Fateh
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Re: Gurmat way for this time period
September 04, 2012 02:54PM
Just do jhat mangni pat viah. Why make the engagement so long? I have seen long engagements lead to more problem before marriage.
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Re: Gurmat way for this time period
September 06, 2012 10:37AM
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh,
For me the most difficult part of being in bana, is not being avoided, looked at like I am an alien by own child, Gurdwara sangat, people in neighborhood, but losing out on much needed income opportunity.
Then taking that loss as another failure in my mountain of failures in life, to then fail in discipline of Amritvela, eating less, sleeping less, no anger...remain afloat as a swan in murky waters is truly kanio tikhi, but it is a personal endeavour that could be made easy, if only Guru Maharaj Hukam is to make the majority follow kanio tikhi path, especially with our own Sikh kaum, who more and more are claiming it is not necessary, and despite being patit, meat eaters, alcoholics.. are allowed to do Gurbani path, do langar sewa, and even prepare karah parsad in Gurdwaras...so I ask Him daily, where do we find company of holy that He commands us to in order to maintain Gurmat path, Waheguru Jio?
Bhul chuk muaf
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh,\
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Re: Gurmat way for this time period
September 06, 2012 12:41PM
Okay note to the original poster: You can completely ignore this post.. it is completely off topic..

Ks jee,
Life is tough.. It will always be tough..
Stop not doing amrit vela KS jee! Amrit vela is life. And life is amrit vela. I cannot feel any sense of stability without amrit vela.. seriously even if it involves getting no sleep. Its worth doing amrit vela. Sleep is worthless compared to amritvela. Whatever sickness you get from doing amrit vela does not matter. NOt doing amrit vela is the BIGGEST SICKNESS..
Just because i say this.. I am not saying my amrit vela is on the par.. I have a bare minimum amrit-vela...Seriously so i am not that cool...
Do ardaas to guru sahib KS jee! Seriously.. guru sahib loves his daughter. Just do ardaas, bottom of the heart ardaas.
As guru sahib to help you. Most of the time people don't care about your problems. mera dukh sukh tuj hi paas! Only vaheguruu knows the full extent of our pain. bhale bhurae ki peer pachaanat.. Only he knows what pain we are going through. Its best to just go to guru jee... and nobody else. Only HE can help you. People are always worried about themselves.. they are all inherently selfish. It is in vaheguroo ji's nature to be selfless...
Alright just look at this shabad aunty this might help you...

This Shabad is by Guru Arjan Dev Ji in Raag Gujri on Pannaa 497


gUjrI mhlw 5 ]

goojaree mehalaa 5 ||

Goojaree, Fifth Mehla:



ijsu mwnuK pih krau bynqI so ApnY duiK BirAw ]

jis maanukh pehi karo baenathee so apanai dhukh bhariaa ||

Whoever I approach to ask for help, I find him full of his own troubles.



pwrbRhmu ijin irdY ArwiDAw iqin Bau swgru qirAw ]1]

paarabreham jin ridhai araadhhiaa thin bho saagar thariaa ||1||

One who worships in his heart the Supreme Lord God, crosses over the terrifying world-ocean. ||1||



gur hir ibnu ko n ibRQw duKu kwtY ]

gur har bin ko n brithhaa dhukh kaattai ||

No one, except the Guru-Lord, can dispel our pain and sorrow.



pRBu qij Avr syvku jy hoeI hY iqqu mwnu mhqu jsu GwtY ]1] rhwau ]

prabh thaj avar saevak jae hoee hai thith maan mehath jas ghaattai ||1|| rehaao ||

Forsaking God, and serving another, one's honor, dignity and reputation are decreased. ||1||Pause||



mwieAw ky snbMD sYn swk ikq hI kwim n AwieAw ]

maaeiaa kae sanaba(n)dhh sain saak kith hee kaam n aaeiaa ||

Relatives, relations and family bound through Maya are of no avail.



hir kw dwsu nIc kulu aUcw iqsu sMig mn bWCq Pl pwieAw ]2]

har kaa dhaas neech kul oochaa this sa(n)g man baa(n)shhath fal paaeiaa ||2||

The Lord's servant, although of lowly birth, is exalted. Associating with him, one obtains the fruits of his mind's desires. ||2||



lwK koit ibiKAw ky ibMjn qw mih iqRsn n bUJI ]

laakh kott bikhiaa kae bi(n)jan thaa mehi thrisan n boojhee ||

Through corruption, one may obtain thousands and millions of enjoyments, but even so, his desires are not satisfied through them.



ismrq nwmu koit aujIAwrw bsqu Agocr sUJI ]3]

simarath naam kott oujeeaaraa basath agochar soojhee ||3||

Remembering the Naam, the Name of the Lord, millions of lights appear, and the incomprehensible is understood. ||3||



iPrq iPrq qum@rY duAwir AwieAw BY BMjn hir rwieAw ]

firath firath thumharai dhuaar aaeiaa bhai bha(n)jan har raaeiaa ||

Wandering and roaming around, I have come to Your Door, Destroyer of fear, O Lord King.



swD ky crn DUir jnu bwCY suKu nwnk iehu pwieAw ]4]6]7]

saadhh kae charan dhhoor jan baashhai sukh naanak eihu paaeiaa ||4||6||7||

Servant Nanak yearns for the dust of the feet of the Holy; in it, he finds peace. ||4||6||7||


Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa
Vaheguru ji ki Fateh
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Quote

so I ask Him daily, where do we find company of holy that He commands us to in order to maintain Gurmat path

The holiest of the holy resides right inside, but you will never meet him as long as the mind remain engrossed in doubt and worldly concerns.
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Re: Gurmat way for this time period
September 06, 2012 02:13PM
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh Singhni Bethio Jio,
(Oops!:/ my post was supposed to go under,"where has direction in society going?")
Thanks for such an excellent post coming from someone so young, you are really a pride of Guru Maharaj!smiling smiley, again I have to say, very very blessed are your parents, relatives..
See more than once, I forced myself to get up at amritvela, and I was totally falling asleep even when I attempted to stay awake by walking around my dwelling...probably due to fact that Veer Sukhdeep Singh Ji mentions, getting too involved with worldly affairs, Guru Maharaj has given up on this paapi murakh?:/ to want to hear me do His simran??
Even I have given up on myself to mind my own business, and not be bothered about what is going on as all is His doing, but my determination to do so is weak, despite reading Gurbani, listening to His keertan?
Bhul chuk muaf
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh
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Re: Gurmat way for this time period
September 06, 2012 03:05PM
KS jee,
Giving up is a terrible idea..This world is always going to be a pain. I know... There is always going to be dukh. The only way out of it is through guru sahib's path. Its hard. But this hard path has rewards as well. This path gives everlasting sukh. People are just worldy.. and this world is really not worth much... not going to last very long either...
Stop worrying.. naam simran.. do swaas swaas naam abhiyaas.. and just have full faith that guru sahib is there. And try to repeat lines of gurbaani.. Naam teraa adhaar mera..
I know its extremely tough.. but its like we need to do ardaas to help guru sahib make us feel both sukh and dukh.. the same.. Because sometimes it feels like we are being pushed to the limit....but ardaas is the only way..
This world is dukh.. Lets do naam abhiyaas..gurbaani abhiyaas.. and read gurbaani so we don't have to come back to this dukh..... we can try to not come back... nothing that we say or do will change anything.... but we can try hard.. and not give up. right.???

Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa
Vaheguru ji ki fateh
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Re: Gurmat way for this time period
September 06, 2012 03:31PM
Waheguru bless you more than you already are Singhni Ji...and if I do succeed and progress on Gurmat path, and meet Guru Maharaj (in person hopefully, this time), I will surely ask for you!smiling smiley
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Before marriage, the girl and the guy should look at each other as brother and sister and nothing else. Even after engagement. Panj pyare said everyone who is same age should be seen as brothers and sisters. This is in place to avoid things happening before marriage that shouldn't.

At the same time though, youre not completely prevented from talking at all. Just like every Gursikh individual Jeevan is different, every Gursikh couple is also different and it really depends. Doing Keertan together, Naam Jap (not over phone lol!!) and meeting with each other isn't banned.

The best thing is just to leave the Jeevan up to
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Before marriage, the girl and the guy should look at each other as brother and sister and nothing else. Even after engagement. Panj pyare said everyone who is same age should be seen as brothers and sisters. This is in place to avoid things happening before marriage that shouldn't.

At the same time though, youre not completely prevented from talking at all. Just like every Gursikh individual Jeevan is different, every Gursikh couple is also different and it really depends. Doing Keertan together, Naam Jap (not over phone lol!!) and meeting with each other isn't banned.

The best thing is just to leave the Jeevan up to Guru Sahib, and do what feels right. But remember to still keep a distance and especially with the mind, don't think of the other too much in the wrong way. Gurmukhs remain detached from worldly affairs, and follow the spiritual path set out by our Guru Sahibs.

The poster is probably married now lol, so hope this helps other people with the same question. There isn't much veechar on marriages done in the Gurmat way. So hope to spread veechar.

Bhuk chuk khima _/\_
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I'm not currently married, but from the older Sikhs, a long engagement is not really encouraged because of problems like this. Forget the whole seeing everyone as brother and sister, mentally people are already seeing their fiancee as someone as a union. I don't know much about how Guru Sahib would recommend the engagement and marriage period, but something he didn't do was having conversations with Mata Ji's before having Anand Karaj, and that's really how I think modern Gursikhs should be doing this as well; either marry quickly and do all the chit-chat spouses do with each other; or don't do those talks at all.
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