She was forgetting everything. Her true Lord. Her inspiration, her life, her breath, she was forgetting. She sat there, in Hazoori, filled with tears, and a broken heart. She was forgetting. It felt as if her world was tearing into one thousand pieces, and her body was ripping a part, her happiness was all gone. She had forgotten. Once, she fell in love. Oh, the love, so pure, never would her heart have been broken, never would He let her down, never would she be unsatisfied. Her every happiness was fulfilled and she was never in pain. She once fell in love, with the True Lord.
***
She lay in bed one night, remembering her past. She came back from a huge meeting, and totally blew it. She lost her job, she lost her husband, she lost her house, and she was alone. As she cried, and begged and pleaded for something better, so that all this pain would be gone, she realized the truth. The truth, the only one who was with her this whole time, supporting her each breath, and was looking for the good only. She woke up, later that night, 2:00am, straight, to a noise at her door. To knocking, loud knocking at her door. She didn’t know who or what it was. She got up, and opened the door. Nothing. All she saw was a light, leading her somewhere. She felt a tug, to follow.
The light spoke to her, “Deen Kaur, listen to me. Do not cry in worry. Do not be in pain. Your True Lord will be coming, very soon. Wait, and Jap Naam, everything will be fine.”
The next day, she went for Pesh. Naam dee daat, was given to her, and she felt like a new person. How could she be missing out on all of this? She didn’t waste her time though. Deen Kaur went right to work. Working on her Kamaee, becoming a better person. She wasn’t at lost. Not at all. She had received the daat of Amrit, and Naam. That was all she needed to live. Feeding her soul off of Naam, and taking every pain and turning it into happiness, in His bhanaa.
Deen Kaur, all she did was Jap Naam. All night, all day. But one day, as she was walking by a store, she saw two girls, around the same age as her. They seemed to be very happy. They had everything, it seemed, money, a car, and were laughing and giggling. She looked at her glowing face, and started to think back to her meeting, and her husband, and her life. She felt impossibly lost once again. That moment, she forgot.
How could Deen Kaur even think about forgetting everything? Her love, her true Giver, everything. As she sat there in so much regret, as her Dhill got bigger and harder to overcome by each passing moment. Was this the end? She didn’t know. She felt so lost, she was wandering around.
ਭੂਲੀਭੂਲੀਮੈਫਿਰੀਪਾਧਰੁਕਹੈਨਕੋਇ||
Was this all she had for Him? Was she done with being so happy, and was she caught in the Maya of this world? As she wandered around, she didn’t realize the valuable time she was missing. She tried her best to get involved in some Manmukhi activities, but she didn’t find any pleasure in them. But whenever she would try to get her mind settled and Jap Naam, she couldn’t focus on it. Her focus was on something completely different. Things like what Manmukhs do, and their happiness. She was forgetting that she had so much waiting for her, away from all these stupid, useless things. She was forgetting that there was only pain in this world. She had to fight. She had to fight her mind, her feelings, Maya, this fight, this test. She needed to win. She needed to gain His trust once again. She couldn’t let go now, she was so far ahead. She knew how it felt to glow, and smile, get bairaagee, and love Him. She knew it, it was in her. The Amrit was flowing through her veins. Deen Kaur needed to be woken up. Woken up, once again, and feel Him, so close to her. Watching her every step, her every move, following her, giving her the strength to overcome this. Deen Kaur couldn’t give up. Fire was ahead of her, if she did.
After many days of pure pain, pain that she couldn’t endure without His unconditional love and support, she remembered how it felt that day. The day she was given Amrit, tears of joy going down her red glowing face, as if nothing could stop her. She remembered that she bowed her head down that day, promising God her everything no matter what happens, she’d always love him, and never let him down. She remembered why she was here, and that true happiness was only found in His Naam, and Bani and nothing could stop her from reaching that point. All this Maya, it was a test, a test of her Sikhi, to see if she was able to sacrifice everything. She felt a slap in her face that day. She couldn’t even think of the Dukh she would feel if she left His warm, beautiful Sharan. She had Him near, so close.
She closed her eyes, and folded her hands. She looked into herself, and tried finding him. She was so close. As tears dropped down her rosy cheeks, and life came back to her, she finally found her True Lord again. He was so close, He saved her.
ਮੈਪਤਿਕੀਪੰਦਿਨਕਰਣੀਕੀਕਾਰ||
ਹਉਬਿਗੜੈਰੂਪਿਰਹਾਬਿਕਰਾਲ||
ਤੇਰਾਏਕੁਨਾਮੁਤਾਰੇਸੰਸਾਰੁ||
ਮੈਏਹਾਆਸਏਹੋਆਧਾਰੁ||੧||ਰਹਾਉ||
ਸਤਿਗੁਰਬਚਨਕਮਾਵਣੇਸਚਾਏਹੁਵੀਚਾਰੁ॥
