Really low point

Vaheguru jee ka khalsa vaheguru ji ki fateh

sadh sangat jee please read this with a kind heart, I really need some help.

I am truly in love with Guru Sahib, I feel like I could literally do path all day, however I have quite an issue. I picked a job which I thought would give me time for independent bhagti, however I was sorely mistaken. Due to certain issues I am now working around 12 hours a day if not more (i have to take home work as well), its not even a choice, its simply if I don't get the work done then EVERYTHING would come to a standstill. I am trying everything I can to minimise the work.

Now my problem is that my sikhi has fallen to a deep low. I was hoping to do load of path this weekend but i was so exhausted from the week that i literally just collapsed and have done NOTHING all weekend. In fact, due to doing less path and simran in the week I find that I have fallen a lot more badly into vikaars and my mind is getting dirtier. It feels like a true case of "sikh gur bin mar jaee". I can't explain but I feel like i am losing my sikhi and this literally makes me feel like i am dying inside. I just want to cry. There was a point where I would stay up all night doing bhagti now i can't even do amritvela. It would be better if I was dead.

Can someone please help me.

The obvious solution is look for a new job. I too have faced work experiences which became a challenge to my rehat. Let me share them with you and perhaps you can find some solution.

I started getting into Sikhi during in my second year of college. As as I graduated, my Baba Ji passed away a couple months after. I went to his funeral in the UK, and my Dad convinced me stay in UK for longer. I really enjoyed the UK as there was more sangat and I went to programs everyday. Waaheguru Ji arranged all this he knew I was new into Sikhi and I needed to be around people who would make me strong in my Sikhi. I lived in the UK for 6 months and my passion for Sikhi became extremely strong. My parents eventually persuaded me to move back to the US. Coming to the US I desired to work in an area where there is more sangat. I would do Ardas to Sri Guru Ji and shortly after I found a great job next to sangat. Eveyday I had Amrit vela sangat. I started to work as an Instructor for mentally disabled people.

One of the patients I supervised was in bad health condition and she belonged to religion which didn't allow modern medicine so her heath deteriorated even more. She needed someone to feed her and part of her diet was eating meat. I told the supervisor I cant feed her as I am a strict vegetarian and It would be hypocritical if I fed her meat. We had some major issues, and one of my co- workers volunteered to take this part of the job for me. I noticed my rigid beliefs isolated me from my co-workers, but I didn't care. Eventually the supervisor found out that Sikhs wear kirpans. I told them that I don't wear one but I will be getting baptized soon and I will start to wear one. They said If I wear one the blade must be sealed permanently preventing anyone from taking the kirpan out. I said this Is not an option and is a mark of disrespect to the kirpan. I told them I would keep the kirpan under my shirt and it wont be accessible , but they were not willing to compromise of the sealing of the kirpan. I eventually left my job. Within weeks Sri GUru Ji found me a better job working as a Substitute for Charter Schools and the school district I lived in. I worked half the amount of time and I got paid the same amount. The problem was I didn't like driving in city traffic and decided back to move to my hometown which is small and quite.

Within weeks Sri GUru Ji found me another great job as Instructor for an autistic student. The job was great because I was allowed to recite bani all day . However, this job too had to be abandoned as family conflicts about rehat started to arise. I was upset to leave such a good job, and thought to myself I will never find a job like this again. But I still kept reciting bani on my spare time. I then decided that I would like to live amongst sangat again. I did Ardas and soon enough I found a seasonal job for the Post office which I took since it was next to sangat. During the interview the lady told me I would have to work the swing shift ( 2pm-10Pm). I was not a big fan of working so late but I took the job as it would be a great opportunity to put my foot in the post office which would be a good thing since government jobs provide good benefits. . A couple of weeks into the job the supervisor approached me one day and said " Sukhdeep, we need you to do overtime tonight until 3am" . I told them that was impossible as I told the lady at the interview I wont work the nightshift. The supervisor said its too bad because we need you . The supervisor tried to persuade me and told me I will get time and half for working night shift. I told them I don't care if you paid me a million dollars to work the night shift its not going to happen this is my religious time meant for prayers. I will die without this time. They said" its too bad we need you to work. If you cant work this time we don't need you." I said fine , and I walked out of the job that moment. As soon as I left I thought to myself Im done with the post office they would never hire me again. But I still kept the faith in Sri GUru Ji, and a few months later down the line I got a call from two different post offices one next to my house while the other one more closer to sangat. SRi Guru Ji was testing me too see what job I would take. I thanked Sri Guru Ji and took the job next to sangat as It would bring me closer to him.

The new job was great my living arrangements were great and the sangat I lived around were great. I lived with a Gursikh family rite across the street from the best Gurdawra in California and my work was less then half an hour away. Once again I was enjoying Amrit Vela sangat everyday, but still the city life bothered me. I found there was too much maya around in the big cities. By nature Im more of a simple country person who likes to live in a rural area. I decided to leave the job, and move back home. The problem is in rural areas there is a scarcity of jobs. I did not worry about being without a job. I took it as an opportunity to do more Bhagti. Eventually Sri Guru Ji found me another great job with great hours in area which is close to home and even more rural then my hometown.

I don't except you too take the same drastic measures that I took such as walking out on a job. Im fortunate to come from a supportive family and because of their support I was able to leave jobs which I felt conflicted with my personal rehat. But based on personal experiences I can say with certainty that if you keep faith in Sri GUru Ji and do Ardas then Sri GUru Ji will change your condition. Sri GUru Ji listens to Ardas when we go for sangat and do bhagti. I know if I did not have the Amrit Vela sangat then my Ardas would have not been answered. I undertand you are working long hours and don't have time for sangat rite now, but if you do ardas new gaps will start to open up. Rest is in Guru Sahibs hands. Good luck

I have been thinking about your post for a few days now and I just wanted to share my thoughts with you.

1. How much money do we really need to survive, if we already have large houses, fancy cars, the best furniture and clothes and other costly commitments, then obviously we do need lots of money and we have to be working all of the time just to keep up with the rest of the Punjabi community. Here in Canada, Punjabis are working all of the time just to "keep up with the Singhs", as a result their culture, health (both physical and mental) and family lives are deteriorating. Is it really worth it??

2. On the other hand, if you are a Gursikh, then your needs are actually not that much. You can live in a small house or condo, you can keep one car (that is paid off), dress simply, minimize or do not eat out, etc and live a very simple comfortable life without having to work all of the time to keep up with your expenses. Therefore, you can spend the remainder of your time practising Sikhi. What is wrong with working 6-8 hours a day rather than working 12 hours? As a Gursikh, our worldy needs are not that much. But our ego gets in the way and tells us that we should be living in a big house, drive a fancy car and so forth. I used to want all the luxuries in life, but Sikhi has taught me to be content with living in an apartment, driving one used car and keeping my expenses to a minimum. If my expenses are small then I do not need to be working all of the time. Work is important to live, but it should not consume all of our waking time. Gursikhs have to spend the required time with their Sikhi otherwise they are asking for trouble.

3. Can you find contract work or work from home? This will give you ample time to practise your Sikhi .

Please do not let your work get in the way of your love for Guruji, this life is far too precious to waste. Find a simple job where it will take care of your basic needs and please spend the time on your Sikhi. I myself have let go very lucrative contract gigs because I know that if I take them then I will be working very long hours and I will have no time for Guruji - this is suicide!! Do ardaas Guruji is very kind and he wants you to be happy.

Bhul chuk maaf

I too was thinking about this post. This is an important point you have brought up and I think the posts above by Sukhdeep Singh and hsc13 are good replies.

It’s Guru Sahib’s hukam: ਸੋ ਕਿਛੁ ਕਰਿ ਜਿਤੁ ਮੈਲੁ ਨ ਲਾਗੈ ॥ furthermore there is a rehatnama by Bhai Desa Singh jee specifically referring to employment: ਜਿਹ ਬਿਧਿ ਰਹਤ ਨ ਨਾਸ ਹੋਇ ਸੋਈ ਟਹਿਲ ਕਮਾਇ॥ This makes it clear with regards to what deeds or job a Gursikh should do. Your description of your job makes it obvious that it is getting in the way of Sikhi and your bhagti, for that reason we should be rid of it: ਜਾਲਉ ਐਸੀ ਰੀਤਿ ਜਿਤੁ ਮੈ ਪਿਆਰਾ ਵੀਸਰੈ ॥

Unless one has effortless 24/7 naam abhiyaas going on, I think it’s better to do a simple job just enough to make ends meet and be able to jap Naam peacefully without having to think too much. It all depends on whether one has spiritual or wordly aspirations.

In my opinion you should quit your job and take the time to get your jeevan back on track. It may take longer than you expect. Do Ardaas. Then after that start looking for a more suitable and comfortable job in which you can japp Naam stress free.

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If you cant find a job

maybe you could listen to keertan..

in your headphones.. or download all the paths on a mp3 player.. so you can listen to it on your phone..

I have a similar experience.. with heavy loads of work from school... and listen to lots of smagam keertan on your phone

and do ardaas for maafi if you miss paaths a certain day.. and do ardaas for lagan in gursikhee that you keep on going ahead..



I hope all goes well with you

Best wishes,

Singhni

I disagree with this being a low point - why can't one do bhagtee - simran while doing any job whether 8 hour 12 hour or 18 hour?

In response to ns44, it is hard to do simran if one has a job that requires lots of concentration. If one were a computer programmer, accountant or an engineer - I would think it would be very difficult to do path and do your job at the same time. I have tried to do this and have made many mistakes in my work so I have stopped doing simran or path while working.

Its hard to do naam abhyiaas with any profession If one doesn't have a strong Amrit Vela, but if one does have a strong Amrit Vela they can perform any job while keeping their naam abhyiaas going. Bhagat Kabeer Ji use to do Naam Abhyiaas while weaving. Weaving takes a lot of concentration and skill but he still was able to do it because of his daily Amrit Vela. Baba Waryam Singh Ji has also mentioned how Engineers too can work while meditating on God. He says that whenever we work our subconscious mind is always thinking. So when we work the Waaheguru mantar should be ringing in the subconscious mind, but this Naam 24/7 naam pendulum can only work if we dedicate one pehar ( amrit vela ) to Bhagti.

Bhai Sukhdeep Singh hit the nail on the head - amrit vela needs to be 100 % but also 100% focus on listening to naam - Gurbani , and it is the intensity we listen with that is of extreme importance. As ones focus is with extreme pyaar it goes without saying that one's mind will ring with abyaas during the day in Surat and one must pay full attention to that while working playing whatever. It doesn't require thinking on Gurbani and naam abhyaas as shabad rings in surtee - it's paying attention to that so it keeps going, awareness of it is real key. Hope im making sense.