Gursikh's general advice needed.

Vaheguru ji ka khalsa Vaheguru ji ki fateh.

I hope somebody will be able to read my rant and offer me some advice that will put me on the right track.

I am suffering from social anxiety. At the beginning of the year, it was so bad that I found it difficult to go into uni. Upon being told that I would have to start coming in or face being kicked out, I tried my very hardest and slowly it felt like I was becoming normal again. Going in and out of the flat, being able to go out and smell the fresh air. But I've realised that I'm still not normal. The coming of summer has made it harder; the world strips itself naked and the obnoxious and eccentric people come out in full force. I am too frightened to even get public transport or go to food shopping. Frightened; my stomach churns thinking about it, I'd rather avoid it if I can. I have a physical condition which means that every time I go out, people stare/ laugh/ shout things. Still, I know that I should not be this low being a Sikh, but it's harder than you'd think. It seems like a cycle I can’t break out of. And nobody even knows about it; friends or family, I will not mention it to them. (I have had depression before, but I don't feel as bad).

My Sikhi is declining. It just seems that when one fails at Amrit Vela once or twice, it continues to get harder to get up. I may listen to kirtan all day, read extra bani, go into sangat, listen to Sikhi talks on the web and end up feeling boosted, but when it comes to Amrit Vela I just keep failing. The alarm goes off, my eyes sting so much for so long. I think about having to shower in a broken shower that the landlord won’t fix (hot to freezing cold every few seconds) and I would rather go back to bed. Sleep overwhelms me, and even if I do get up, I’m thinking about going to sleep again. Today, I got up and went back to sleep, woke up at 12.30pm. How do you do it? It's not the experience I'd hope for. Sitting down to do Naam Abhiyaas is extremely difficult and I feel like that one thing that will save me, is the thing that I have not had success with.

So I feel separate from my Guru. I feel unworthy and incapable. No doubt my recent lack of spirituality makes the social anxiety harder to bare. Socialising is hard for me; I don’t like doing it and it’s draining. Seeing friends, and all those things people would deem to be fun, are empty for me. So social interaction involves myself trying to entertain people's boring worldly conversations, and feeling utterly indifferent and empty.
The way that I feel when I think about the near future is horrible. I think about tomorrow, having to go out, and I dread it so much. Having to go to a Nagar Kirtan or something, the thought scares me. This constant sorrow makes me daydream about it all ending.

Maybe this sounds too dramatic, but that’s the point. I’m writing here things that I’d not say to anyone, in the hopes that some Gursikh will be able to give me some advice, on any of this.

Bhenji , SRi Guru Parmeshar resides in all so who should we fear or feel nervous around? Everynight Sri Guru Ji reminds us high light is within all
ਤਿਸ ਦੈ ਚਾਨਣਿ ਸਭ ਮਹਿ ਚਾਨਣੁ ਹੋਇ ॥

So why feel nervous or afraid of anybody. We often have difficulty seeing Sri Guru JI if we dont acknowledge him within ourselves, and if we are breaking from out Amrit vela we have no chance of connceting with our inner spirit. Along with strong Amrit Vela , Sadh Sangat keeps us closer to our inner divinity. I suggest you keep sangat of some Gursikh who will help you break out of your shell and go to social places. If you suffer from social anxiety it may be difficult to overcome if your alone. Im sure there are some Bhenjis within the UK who you can talk too . All people need is a little support to learn how to be in social settings.

A couple years ago I worked with an autistic student who also suffered from social anxiety. When he was around social settings his face would turn pale and he would sweat. Many times he would go through emotional outburst when attention was directed towards him. We found putting him in small social settings and then moving to bigger social settings helped. If you feel uncomfortable at school or around wordly people then perhaps you can do sangat of 2 o 3 Gursikhs and eventually you may open up to others and feel more comfortable.

If you have no local sangat who can help then rely on Gurbani as your sangat. Gurbani is the true medicine for all worries and anxieties.There are numerous shabads you can recite over and over to remove any stress or anxiety. Like the following:

ਗੁਰ ਕਾ ਸਬਦੁ ਰਾਖੁ ਮਨ ਮਾਹਿ ॥
ਨਾਮੁ ਸਿਮਰਿ ਚਿੰਤਾ ਸਭ ਜਾਹਿ ॥੧॥
ਬਿਨੁ ਭਗਵੰਤ ਨਾਹੀ ਅਨ ਕੋਇ ॥
ਮਾਰੈ ਰਾਖੈ ਏਕੋ ਸੋਇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
ਗੁਰ ਕੇ ਚਰਣ ਰਿਦੈ ਉਰਿ ਧਾਰਿ ॥
ਅਗਨਿ ਸਾਗਰੁ ਜਪਿ ਉਤਰਹਿ ਪਾਰਿ ॥੨॥
ਗੁਰ ਮੂਰਤਿ ਸਿਉ ਲਾਇ ਧਿਆਨੁ ॥
ਈਹਾ ਊਹਾ ਪਾਵਹਿ ਮਾਨੁ ॥੩॥
ਸਗਲ ਤਿਆਗਿ ਗੁਰ ਸਰਣੀ ਆਇਆ ॥
ਮਿਟੇ ਅੰਦੇਸੇ ਨਾਨਕ ਸੁਖੁ ਪਾਇਆ ॥੪॥੬੧॥੧੩੦॥

Wonderful suggestion by Sukhdeep Singh ji! Take up a shabad which specifically addresses fear, such as the one suggested by Sukhdeep Singh ji or

ਬਿਲਾਵਲੁ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥
ਤਾਤੀ ਵਾਉ ਨ ਲਗਈ ਪਾਰਬ੍ਰਹਮ ਸਰਣਾਈ ॥ ਚਉਗਿਰਦ ਹਮਾਰੈ ਰਾਮ ਕਾਰ ਦੁਖੁ ਲਗੈ ਨ ਭਾਈ ॥੧॥
ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਪੂਰਾ ਭੇਟਿਆ ਜਿਨਿ ਬਣਤ ਬਣਾਈ ॥ ਰਾਮ ਨਾਮੁ ਅਉਖਧੁ ਦੀਆ ਏਕਾ ਲਿਵ ਲਾਈ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
ਰਾਖਿ ਲੀਏ ਤਿਨਿ ਰਖਨਹਾਰਿ ਸਭ ਬਿਆਧਿ ਮਿਟਾਈ ॥ ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਕਿਰਪਾ ਭਈ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਭਏ ਸਹਾਈ ॥ ੨॥੧੫॥੭੯॥

Just as you do Naam jaap, recite the chosen shabad for a chosen period, either in number of times or in number of minutes like 30 minutes, 1 hour. Focus on the meaning of the shabad. Concentrate on the oral recitation. There is one small trick I use to improve concentration. I specifically focus my attention on the sound coming 'out of my mouth' rather that the sound being produced in the mind or inside my mouth. Although of course the receiver of the sound again is the mind but I try and make it a circle, mind using voice organs to produce the recitation and then ears listening the external voice produced and mind assimilating it back in. It helps to think of your own voice as if it is coming from somewhere else and telling yourself that I MUST listen to this sound intently.

Another wonderful shabad on the topic:

ਧਨਾਸਰੀ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥
ਅਉਖੀ ਘੜੀ ਨ ਦੇਖਣ ਦੇਈ ਅਪਨਾ ਬਿਰਦੁ ਸਮਾਲੇ ॥ ਹਾਥ ਦੇਇ ਰਾਖੈ ਅਪਨੇ ਕਉ ਸਾਸਿ ਸਾਸਿ ਪ੍ਰਤਿਪਾਲੇ ॥੧॥
ਪ੍ਰਭ ਸਿਉ ਲਾਗਿ ਰਹਿਓ ਮੇਰਾ ਚੀਤੁ ॥ ਆਦਿ ਅੰਤਿ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਸਦਾ ਸਹਾਈ ਧੰਨੁ ਹਮਾਰਾ ਮੀਤੁ ॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
ਮਨਿ ਬਿਲਾਸ ਭਏ ਸਾਹਿਬ ਕੇ ਅਚਰਜ ਦੇਖਿ ਬਡਾਈ ॥ ਹਰਿ ਸਿਮਰਿ ਸਿਮਰਿ ਆਨਦ ਕਰਿ ਨਾਨਕ ਪ੍ਰਭਿ ਪੂਰਨ ਪੈਜ ਰਖਾਈ ॥੨॥੧੫॥੪੬॥

You can do this anytime and all the time. Try to take out small chunks of time like 5 mins or 10 mins. I find it best to focus when I am isolated in my car or bus. Sometimes its helpful to go out in open ground and keep murmuring baani where no one is around.

And do not fear my child, when Guru Gobind Singh is there why would you fear? Recite Chaupai Sahib and focus intensely on the meaning, and you shall find great strength building inside you.

And look here, what wonderful lines!

ਜਿਸ ਦਾ ਸਾਹਿਬੁ ਡਾਢਾ ਹੋਇ ॥
ਤਿਸ ਨੋ ਮਾਰਿ ਨ ਸਾਕੈ ਕੋਇ ॥
ਸਾਹਿਬ ਕੀ ਸੇਵਕੁ ਰਹੈ ਸਰਣਾਈ ॥
ਆਪੇ ਬਖਸੇ ਦੇ ਵਡਿਆਈ ॥
ਤਿਸ ਤੇ ਊਪਰਿ ਨਾਹੀ ਕੋਇ ॥
ਕਉਣੁ ਡਰੈ ਡਰੁ ਕਿਸ ਕਾ ਹੋਇ ॥੪॥

May Guru ji grant inner strength to all of us.

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It's just part of life, you need exposure, a bit at a time, and then later on you come back slowly. Go as far as you can but as soon as it starts to feel bad/wrong then stop and return right back. The object here is to not get lost or make anyone get lost, because if you do that, then you could end up in a really bad shape, so do take precaution.

Go with your gut feeling. If someone or something is making you feel uneasy, all you need to do is step back and carry on doing your own thing (as long as the thing you're doing isn't making you feel awful).

Stay away from people who do you harm deliberately or constantly and remember God so that when it's time to leave this world, all you remember is God, what goes around comes around. So do good and reap whatever God has planned for you. If you sow bad then that will come back to you too.

ਮ; ੧ ॥
ਨਾਨਕ ਬੋਲਣੁ ਝਖਣਾ ਦੁਖ ਛਡਿ ਮੰਗੀਅਹਿ ਸੁਖ ॥
ਸੁਖੁ ਦੁਖੁ ਦੁਇ ਦਰਿ ਕਪੜੇ ਪਹਿਰਹਿ ਜਾਇ ਮਨੁਖ ॥
ਜਿਥੈ ਬੋਲਣਿ ਹਾਰੀਐ ਤਿਥੈ ਚੰਗੀ ਚੁਪ ॥੨॥

O Nanak, it is absurd to ask to be spared from pain by begging for comfort.
Pleasure and pain are the two garments given, to be worn in the Court of the Lord.
Where you are bound to lose by speaking, there, you ought to remain silent. ||2||

There are many ways that you can use to tackle your problem of social anxiety as per gurmat as well as normal solutions... 1 year back Even i was having this problem of speaking in public and it would result in keeping quite and not interacting with people...

So one thing that i did and it helped me alot... Is that i went to see a cricket match (over crowded place) as you may know matches in india usually have huge crowd and i started shouting there for no reason (as other people also shout so it was not awkward at all)... What it did i got a bit confidence as i was able to speak (shout actually ), so slowly slowly i overcome my fear of social interaction...

I think what you need is a proper exposure to world...one thing you should keep in mind when you start fearing is that you should think that other person carry's same caliber as you, he/she is not superior then you but don't consider them below you as it may can create a feeling of ego...

As you live in uk you can go to watch a football/cricket match or any other thing which suits you and shout there from all of your energy, as it will eleminate some of your fear...

I know this method is not as per gurmat but i think it may help...

Bhul chuk muaf

Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh...!!