A question for amritdari women

I have noticed this so much and this has finally made me ask this question today. I mean I don't understand why whenever I meet or walk past amritdari bibia, I get no acknowledgement such as a smile (the proper way would be a fateh). This is not with all of the bibias but quite a few of them do this.

I mean I walk out on the street and people smile and acknowledge each other and these people aren't even sikhs or indian. But what is up with all this? I feel like it's totally a lot of arrogance and perhaps even lack of proper communication skills...

Why ???

lol, maybe you only see mean people

[gurmatbibek.com]

piarray leafy jeeo
i have noticed this in America too, i say fateh sometimes too but i get ignored

well i get this treatment in canada guess where i am from...

This is no excuse to not wish Gurfateh to a Gursikh looking person.

One gets blessings of Guru Jee by being the first to wish fateh, if they do not reply that is their loss. You will have the mukh (face) of Satguru Jee facing you, and they will have the back to them.

Vaheguroo, this is the same for Singhs in the UK aswell! Mostly at rainsbhais! Everyone just keeps themselves to themselves and mutter the quietest fateh.

lol muslims walk past and say their salams to sikhs......but sikhs can't say their own fateh to other sikhs....... stinkees.

Then there are the head nodders, that acknowledge Guroo Sahibs Greeting with a nod of their head.

The best thing to do is to first smile at the individuals, then approach, of course they would be thinking "uh oh now what he's approaching us!"
then say a loud FATEH!!! Loud enough for everyone to hear! they cant escape from u then..how about that?><

Back in Dubai, I'd have Hindus and Muslims walk past me and say Sat Sri Akaal, although at times some Sikhs who would walk by would look at me like their eyes were saying "leh! tu aithe kitho aa giya?"

I totally understand what you're saying Leafy Ji...I've been through the exact same situation before as well. I remember when I was in university, I'd get ignored from fellow Sikhs, but I'd get acknowledged by random people that weren't even Sikhs - mostly Rastafarians lol.

Sometimes the head nodding just occurs if people aren't in close distance to each other and they see each other from afar and then give a little head nod. Also, if people are quickly passing by someone else, a head nod gets thrown in. I'd say that's better than just being completely ignored by someone.

But Leafy Ji, don't think that this just happens amongst amritdhari women...I think it happens with everyone. Honestly, you shouldn't even have to worry about why you're not getting a proper acknowledgement back. Just say your Fateh, and if you don't get one back, I don't think that's anything to get stressed out or upset about. If you're doing the right thing, I think that's all that matters in Guru Sahib's eyes

I'm not upset or stressed about it, I think it's rude and not classy of a sikh to do, perhaps my expectations are a bit higher of fateh standards.. oh well never mind.

Can we do some psycho analysis of the behavior? We do people avoid persons of the same community in these situations? Is it some mental complex? Arrogance? Tendency to hide their identity?

In English we have a phrase like that, "those of the same trade seldom agree". May be remotely, this avoiding behavior seems rooting from that feeling.

arrogance i feel, because they act like they are better, nose too stuck up high in the air, it's pathetic.....

maybe they're feeling shy (benefit of the doubt and all that).

i agree with the previous posts though. say your fateh and if they don't respond it's their loss.

the other day singh jee and i were bidding farewell to a friend, of course with a fateh. this white lady (not sikh) was standing nearby, and asked what it meant. after we said it slowly she tried pronouncing waheguru a few times. by the time we left, she was saying "waheguru!" quite loudly, smiling, looking quite pleased. it made me happy.
(unrelated, but still, pretty darned awesome)

shy of what? shy from the same gender? it's okay to be shy from the opposite gender but same gender, i don't think so. seems like a personal problem, because it's not normal when you meet someone and talk with them and all and then after a year or so when you meet them and they ignore you. that is not shyness, that is being rude.

Shyness within gender is there.

I once read a comment by a foriegner about Indians's behaviour. They do not look into your eyes when they walk past, but do look behind after crossing you and like to see you. That is interesting.There is something special in our psyche.

People are shy of opening or trying a new relation within community. Sometimes they are mentally lost. They may be sad or depressed as well. They may also be shy of saying "FATEH", while on roads.

If one takes a confident and clear lead, mostly they respond and surrender their silence. Let us hope, so.

"The white lady and Waheguru" incidence is very touching. Thank you Bhein Ji for sharing that.

My mother always that Amritdhari women are very Hankaari. They never greet anyone. Since I'm a guy I have no idea if this is true and never really took notice of it either. But since leafy bhain jee has mentioned the same thing it seems it is true (at least for women). Men don't do this. I always greet a Singh if I see him or if they see me and say it to me. So it seems to be a problem with women.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

I was recently in Canada and this was my experience. The first day only the people that knew me said fateh but the next day when I was dressed in very pretty suit and stuck out, everyone made eye contact and said Fateh! I always have more people say Fateh to me when I am dressed up more then normal. In fact more people try to hold a conversation with me based on how I am dressed. This is true for males and females.

Why is that? Anyone else have that happen to them? mind you I don't even wear the bana, punjabi suits is what I wear. Yeah, and I wear a dastar.

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My mother always that Amritdhari women are very Hankaari.

i think this kind of broad generalization is damaging. i know a lot of amritdhari women, and just like all people, each of them is different. in general, my experience with singhnees is that they're some of the warmest and most generous women you could hope to meet. i'm sure there are exceptions, but i don't think it benefits anyone to make negative generalizations about half of the khalsa panth.

i totally know how u feel!! ive seen this alot myself and it is really upsetting.

Bibya are very 'stuck up' in terms of speaking to other bibya. When i was getting into sikhi, there was hardly no bibi execpt 1 who helped me. i noticed bibya had 'groups' and wouldnt even look at others who were not part of their social group. it still happens now.

Totally wrong! But my advice wil be not to follow their footsteps. ALWAYS say fateh and greet a fellow khalsa with so much pyaar.

Guru Gobind singh ji has said that whoever says fateh first- gurujis face will be towards them, whoever says it after- gurujis back will be towards them

=)

Vaheguroooo....

Yess its rude not to say fateh to another sikh, but we just got to make sure we stay true to what is right

Being a female myself, I think this problem is just not only with Sikhs, but with females in general. Women tend to form cliques and stick to them, ignoring any other woman outside of their clique. Whereas men, I guess there not so much like that. There more open minded as to welcome other guys into there groups.
Women just tend to be more insecure I'm guessing. I know I'm definately the odd one out. Though I'm more of an independent person, I say fateh to all that I see, but maybe I won't exactly start a conversation with someone that I don't exactly know.
But I think you should still say fateh. Better than ignoring at least.

But like they always say... "old habits die hard" OR "can't teach a old dog new tricks"
its become "women nature" for this kind of thing to happen in society.

Vaaheguru Jee Kaa Khalsaa Vaaheguru Jee Kee Fatehh!

I have noticed the same thing. Sometimes, they say fateh to you, and then on other days they decide to totally ignore you. I wouldn't mind if it was one or the other, but you never know which it's going to be!

The only time I don't say fateh to someone is if they have asked me to not communicate with them, or sent a hint of that sort.

Otherwise I say fateh, becuase sometimes it feels worse than walking in a mall, and even in the mall people are soooo nice.

It's Guru Sahibs hukam to say fateh to a coming singh from ahead. If someone cuts off with me or hints they don't want to be approached, 'ie' through their facial expressions, then yeah, I just say in my head waheguru, lol what else can you do. Once I added a bibi on msn to chat to cos where I lived before there weren't any bibias my age and I wanted to make friends. Anyways she got all agro at me and started cussing and was thinking I was a guy. LOL....now when I do see this bibi in TO, I still DO say fateh to her. God knows if she knows that she spoke to me like that. it's crack!