This dukh inside of me

This dukh inside of me..

Recently I have gone through a lot of changes; my whole world has flipped upside down. Due to some events that have happened to me, I’ve got a lot of dukhi inside me.

I was so happy at one stage in my life, I got to that point where I knew who I was, what I needed to do to build my jeeven up, getting into university, and realizing who my true sangaat was, I even got to that stage in knowing who I'm happy to settle with in married life.
However things are very different now. With kirpa my studies are still strong, but I did fall in my sikhi, even though my hearts still there in sikhi, my mind is playing tricks with me and wondering around. Iv bounced back strong from a lot of down point in my life, and I hope maharaj will do kirpa to do the same me now.

I think the biggest thing I'm so duki about is losing that person I knew I had a strong connection with, such a deep connection can’t explain by using words! And we got to that stage where we did know each other from inside out – and having a lot of pyaar for each other. Even a hukhamnaama that came out was laava!! But now we have been given hukham that we can’t have any communication with each other.
It’s very hard being in this position, and I'm filled with a lot of dukh side of me  how can I get myself better to pass this stage? Many people have said it will take time, a lot of time has already gone by and I still feel the same way if not I feel worse than before.

With kirpa my amrith vellas are a lot better and my naam abyiaas is getting stronger too and I have realized in all this, who my true sangaat are. I know I’ll always have my Guru, I know he is here standing by my side.

I'm always questioning myself…
Why did things end up this way? Would things ever get better? Is this just a test to show how strong we both are?
The hukham which was given, could it just be to break the attachment we had? – could we still consider marriage when it comes to that point in our lives?

If I have said anything to offend anyone, please forgive me

Gupt singhni

Either talk to the elders and arrange an engagment at the right time or get on with your life and forget this person. Having these "feelings" really is a waste of time. However if a deep attachment has been created by both sides the only possible happy ending would be to get married in due future, but for now dont waste time in "feelings". If you've been hukum then follow it (avoiding contact), for the sake of your sikhi you can't carry on being "friends" with this person as attachment will only get stronger and cause you more hurt. However when you do become of marriagable age then see if elders/parents can arrange it for you.

In mean time concentrate on naam and bani.

Sikh is one who completely surrenders oneself to the Will of Guru Sahib. If Guru Sahib wants you to spend the rest of your life with that person, then it will happen; otherwise it will not happen. Either way, whatever Guru Sahib decides would be best for you.

First of all, love (Ishq) before marriage is not acceptable in Gurmat but even if we accept for a moment that it's okay, then don't we see so many love marriages breaking everyday? At one point these people were madly in love with each other but now they are sworn enemies, fighting each other for the custody of their children. This proves that such worldly love is not everlasting. Even if the worldly loving relationship lasts the whole life, then it will not last in the next world, where we will be alone, unless we make relationship with Guru Sahib.

Real love is such love that is done with a real object. Real object is Naam and Gurbani. If we develop real love with the real object, then as per Kirpa of Guru Sahib, we get loving relatives, friends and best wishers. But the key is to first have love with Vaheguru.

Advice to you is to try to accept Bhaana of Guru Sahib and try to develop love for Guru Sahib. If Guru Sahib is on your side, then all your worldly wishes too will come true. Guru Sahib takes precedence over everything else.

Kulbir Singh

When the Hukamnama of laavaan came, what made you think Guru Sahib had given you guys a green signal that you guys were made for each other? The Bani of laavaan clearly talks about the jeev-atma's marriage to Vaheguru. What if Gurujee wanted you both to first develop that relationship with Him? And then you say a Hukamnama came asking you both to avoid all contact, what makes you think so?

I have come across individuals who go to Gurdwara, do matha tek and ask Gurujee such questions, "Gurujee, is he the one for me?", "Gurujee, is she the one for me?", and then the Gyani takes a vaak at the end of the keertan divaan and the Shabad recited is accepted to be Gurujee's order, which they interpret in their own way as a YES or NO, but usually it is interpreted as a YES. Is this what you did as well? Because if it is, then such individuals proceed to the point of marriage, thinking its Gurujee's Hukam. And then when things don't work out, they have dubidha (doubts) in their mind, and then again they question Gurujee, "Guru Sahib, you said YES, why didn't it work? You could have said NO earlier itself, why make me suffer so much?", and so their faith shakes. Who knows, maybe this suffering was meant to teach a lesson!

In your situation, you got a Hukamnama which you perceived to be exactly opposite of what you got initially, am I right? If you don't leave it upto Gurujee, if you don't try to comprehend the deeper message behind the Shabad, you will continue to suffer in doubt, and may even question Guru Sahib forever as to why you were put through all this. This is really destructive for one's Sikhi Sidak. I would only beg you to please re-think both the Shabads you got. Do Ardas to Gurujee to Himself bless you with the sojhee and sumat to figure it out, and to give you the strength to accept His bhaanaa.

At the end of the day, its not losing a guy or girl that matters, its the massive hit that our faith in Guru Sahib takes, and that damages our jeevan pretty hard. Once that occurs, it pushes the person and their Sikhi towards deeper pits of negativity, making it very hard to get up. When the world gives us hell, we have our Sikhi to fall back on and stay strong. If our faith in Sikhi is damaged, where will we go?

Please forgive me for any mistakes

Mehtab Singh

Waheguroo...

Thankyou for replies, not just love marriages are failing but a lot off arranged marriages are falling too, if we look at jatha at this moment in time, so many jatha marriages have failed and the numbers are increasing

I did mention that my sikhi has got better, my amrith vella getting stronger and naam abiyaas too, not only that but I do feel GuruJi is pushing me in a certain direction, he is guiding me..

I love my Guru and have faith in Guruji if its meant to be then it will happen. My future is in Guruji hands,

gupt singhni

You know, we don't get to choose our parents, siblings, rest of family. Vaheguru Jee sends us to certain family because of our previous karams. Right? We don't have the opportunity to go and search who will be our best mum and dad, brothers and sisters etc but for the most part, we still have familial love for them. Right?

ਮਾਤ ਪਿਤਾ ਬਨਿਤਾ ਸੁਤ ਬੰਧਪ ਇਸਟ ਮੀਤ ਅਰੁ ਭਾਈ || ਪੂਰਬ ਜਨਮ ਕੇ ਮਿਲੇ ਸੰਜੋਗੀ ਅੰਤਹਿ ਕੋ ਨ ਸਹਾਈ ||੧||
maath pithaa banithaa suth bandhap eisatt meeth ar bhaaee | poorab janam kae milae sanjogee anthehi ko n sehaaee |1|
Mother, father, spouse, children, relatives, lovers, friends and siblings meet, having been associated in previous lives; but none of them will be your companion and support in the end. ||1||

In this same way, I believe that Guru Jee has already arranged our spouse in the same way and we will end up with whomsoever is best for us. We should not get into this search ourselves and applying our own thinking to divine pre-destined matrimonials. Like the Gurmukhs have written above, let's just learn to love Vaheguru Jee and then see how great everything turns out.

Mehtab Singh,

thank you for sharing that, its actually made see a little differently now, I’m doing ardaas all the time, I don’t want to be in this situation, nor do I want these thoughts, hence why i said this dukh inside of me!

What more can I do feel that peace inside of me again? I’m struggling at the moment, but I won’t give up until I reach that point again!

Gupt singhni

"Gupt Singhni" jee, I am no one to advice as I am not wise myself. Ardas is the ultimate weapon. All I can say is don't rush things, give yourself some time and gradually step out of it. Make sure you forgive whoever caused you all this pain, but before that forgive yourself if you feel guilty about anything. Most important right now would be to have solid faith in Guru Sahib and hold on to it tightly. I know its very easy for me to type all this on the Internet, but you are the one who has to deal with it, and with Guru Sahib's kirpa you definitely will. Its human nature that when we can't blame anyone, we tend to blame God for our misery. This is what you will need to absolutely avoid. Talk to other Singhnees if possible and share with them, it can be really helpful. Make sure its not someone who puts all the blame on you, rather someone who is your best friend and can help you as a sister.

bhull chukk maaf

Mehtab Singh

Gurbani has all the answers

[www.sikhitothemax.com]

Start a sehaj path, and remember what Guru Sahib says in Anand Sahib, that all these family members you see, they won't accompany you when you leave this world' Even when you do get married, you still got to kind of stay detached to your family. Your purpose in life is much more than just getting married. We are here to do sewa and perfect ourselves so we can merge into God and help others to come onto this path. We are mere channels for other souls to experience God through the grace of Waheguru.

Imagine the court of God, where you will see saints sitting and remembering God and where you will see God one day. Don't entangle yourself more, and if you are entangled right now in your feelings, then you will have to use Gurbani to find a way out of the emotional maze, your DUKH will become the REMEDY (rehraas sahib)...just don't go looking for more dukh from such a source again, you will break apart.

Keep telling yourself

Quote

ਸੋ ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਪਿਆਰਾ ਮੇਰੈ ਨਾਲਿ ਹੈ ਜਿਥੈ ਕਿਥੈ ਮੈਨੋ ਲਏ ਛਡਾਈ ॥
That Beloved True Guru is always with me; wherever I may be, He will save me.

Quote

ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਸਭਨਾ ਦਾ ਭਲਾ ਮਨਾਇਦਾ ਤਿਸ ਦਾ ਬੁਰਾ ਕਿਉ ਹੋਇ ॥
The True Guru wishes everyone well; how can anything bad happen to Him?

Quote

ਸਾਜਨੜਾ ਮੇਰਾ ਸਾਜਨੜਾ ਨਿਕਟਿ ਖਲੋਇਅੜਾ ਮੇਰਾ ਸਾਜਨੜਾ ॥
Friend, my Friend - standing so near to me is my Friend!

Quote

ਜਾ ਤੂ ਮੇਰੈ ਵਲਿ ਹੈ ਤਾ ਕਿਆ ਮੁਹਛੰਦਾ ॥
When You are on my side, Lord, what do I need to worry about?

You know why?

Because

Quote

ਮਾਧੋ ਹਮ ਐਸੇ ਤੂ ਐਸਾ ॥
O Lord, this is what we are, and this is what You are.

And more because

Quote

ਤੁਮ ਕਰਹੁ ਭਲਾ ਹਮ ਭਲੋ ਨ ਜਾਨਹ ਤੁਮ ਸਦਾ ਸਦਾ ਦਇਆਲਾ ॥
You do good for us, but we do not see it as good; You are kind and compassionate, forever and ever.

gur saevaa thae bhagath kamaaee ||
thab eih maanas dhaehee paaee ||
eis dhaehee ko simarehi dhaev ||
so dhaehee bhaj har kee saev ||1||
bhajahu guobi(n)dh bhool math jaahu ||
maanas janam kaa eaehee laahu ||1|| rehaao ||
jab lag jaraa rog nehee aaeiaa |
jab lag kaal grasee nehee kaaeiaa ||
jab lag bikal bhee nehee baanee ||
bhaj laehi rae man saarigapaanee ||2||
ab n bhajas bhajas kab bhaaee ||
aavai a(n)th n bhajiaa jaaee ||
jo kishh karehi soee ab saar ||
fir pashhuthaahu n paavahu paar ||3||
so saevak jo laaeiaa saev ||
thin hee paaeae nira(n)jan dhaev ||
gur mil thaa kae khulhae kapaatt ||
bahur n aavai jonee baatt ||4||
eihee thaeraa aousar eih thaeree baar ||
ghatt bheethar thoo dhaekh bichaar ||
kehath kabeer jeeth kai haar ||
bahu bidhh kehiou pukaar pukaar ||5||1||9||[/size][/b]

Waheguroooo....thankyou paaaji for that

ਹਮ ਬਾਰਿਕ ਕਿਛੂ ਨ ਜਾਣਹੂ ਹਰਿ ਮਾਤ ਪਿਤਾ ਪ੍ਰਤਿਪਾਲਾ ॥
I am a child; I know nothing at all. The Lord cherishes me, as my mother and father.

ਕਰੁ ਮਾਇਆ ਅਗਨਿ ਨਿਤ ਮੇਲਤੇ ਗੁਰਿ ਰਾਖੇ ਦੀਨ ਦਇਆਲਾ ॥੩॥
I continually put my hands into the fire of Maya, but the Guru saves me; He is merciful to the meek. ||3||

ਬਹੁ ਮੈਲੇ ਨਿਰਮਲ ਹੋਇਆ ਸਭ ਕਿਲਬਿਖ ਹਰਿ ਜਸਿ ਜਾਲਾ ॥
I was filthy, but I have become immaculate. Singing the Lord's Praises, all sins have been burnt to ashes.

ਮਨਿ ਅਨਦੁ ਭਇਆ ਗੁਰੁ ਪਾਇਆ ਜਨ ਨਾਨਕ ਸਬਦਿ ਨਿਹਾਲਾ ॥੪॥੫॥
My mind is in ecstasy, having found the Guru; servant Nanak is enraptured through the Word of the Shabad. ||4||5||