choosing the right path.

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

Choosing the path of Sikhi? or... Being "forced" into it because of family?

This question about life has often stumped me. I understand that Sikhi is a path that the truly fortunate ones are lead towards. But, let's say that you were born into a regular Punjabi family, and your family decided to come into Sikhi, follow Rehit and Bibek afterwards. Therefore, you (as a child/teen) did not have a choice in whether do follow. Your family may not necessarily "force" you into it, but the fact that everyone else is following a specific path which may be contradicting to your own, but you can't exactly do anything about it, because you live as part of the family.
As a child grows up, they may become accustomed to the ways of the family. But that does not necessarily mean that the child agrees/believes in everything. But then again, as a child, we don't have a choice either.
As we grow up, we start to understand what Sikhi is, but questions still arise. Also, I believe that the experience of "feeling" Sikhi, and being led towards it, is very much different from following it because "you have to." I don't find that it is the same experience. While you see many our youth, who having willing given up the ways of their traditional Punjabi homes, and have started to follow the Sikhi. Whereas those who have become accustomed to it, just because they're surrounded by it at all times, makes the path to Sikhi and beyond so much more different.
It makes you question more about why things are the way they are (this is what I find from experience), and just harder to actually go along with whatever the rest of the family chooses.
Another thing is when the child starts to follow the path of Sikhi on their own, but they find that they need more Sangat, or maybe join some youth groups related to Sikhi, and talk that way, to learn more. I find that it is harder to follow something, especially when your parents want you to do so, and to make you see that they are "right" they take you to Sangat. But this Sangat consists of elder people, and therefore, the child remains just as confused about things.

Dass,
singh97

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

are you asking a question through the post ?

or were you simply writing a post ?

apologies, but it is unclear

Its not fully clear as to what your question is but if you have faith in Vaheguru, then you would read this carefully:

1. If you have taken birth in a Sikh Rehitvaan family, it means that Vaheguru jee wants you to be a Rehitvaan Sikh.

2. Vaheguru jee wants you to have a head start by giving you birth in a Sikh family. A person born in a non-religious family has to work harder and learn much more than a person born in a Rehitvaan family. Take advantage of this boon of Vaheguru.

3. It's true that there comes a time when you yourself will realize the greatness and importance of Sikhi but even if such a time has not arrived in your life, still have faith in Vaheguru jee's wisdom and continue keeping Rehit and Sikhi.

Hopefully, this answers your question and concerns.

Kulbir Singh

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

I'm sorry about that. I was actually not finished writing when it posted.

What I'm trying to say is, if, as a child, and being born into such a family has brought my spirituality higher, then should I also be trying to do the same and bring myself to that spiritaul level myself? Meaning, for example, (forgive me for the poor example, I don't understnad how else to explain myself) say that there are 10 levels (10 being the highest), and because I've been born into a Sikh family, I've "automatically" reached level 3. This consists of keeping Bibek, Rehit, etc. But, personally, I don't feel that I have reached that level of spirituality, because I am where I am because I was born into this particular Sikh family. Therefore, I was "born into" keeping Rehit, Bibek, etc., but I yet don't feel that this is any different, since I haven't experienced anything different. We could say, that this is "normal" for me.
So, what I am asking is, whether this gives me any reason to try to bring myself to whatever level of spirituality I'm currently at. It's kind of like, I'm at this level because I was "put" or "born" there. But, for others, they've had to work their way up, and they feel the difference between where they were, and where they are now. But I don't feel anything spiritual about what I do. So does this give me a reason to try to bring myself from "level 0" to "level 3" myself? Because I feel that interacted with other youth, hearing different opinions, would help, since all I ever really hear is what my family thinks is right and wrong.

I'm sorry if I don't make sense in some spots. I really don't know how else to word this.

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

Singh97 jeeo, many people who are born in religious families and are brought up in religious atmosphere, don't value what they have. You say that you don't feel where you are spiritually, since you don't know the difference between being religious and non-religious. I ask you:

You are born in a middle class family and have not experienced poverty. Would you deliberately live a life without money for few years to understand the value of having money? Would you starve and go without eating for few days to understand what its like to have food all the time?

Would you give up your limbs to experience how it feels to be handicapped?

Would you give up your eyes temporarily to understand how precious your eyes are?

In order to understand the value of having a headstart by being born in a religious family and brought up as a religious person, you don't have to live your life as a non-religious person. If you have faith in Gurbani, then you would take the Word of your Guru as pure Truth. Gurbani says that you have been given this human life to meet Vaheguru. To meet Vaheguru you need to meet Guru. After meeting Guru, you have to obey Hukams of Guru. After obeying Hukams of Guru Sahib, you have a chance to meet Vaheguru.

Accept your destiny as a Sikh of Guru Sahib and you will be happy in life. It does not fit a candidate of Sikhi to long for non-Sikhi ways. If you have faith in the wisdom of Vaheguru jee, then why don't you accept the decision of Vaheguru jee who has given you birth in a religious family? Vaheguru's Hukam for you is to live a life of a Gurmukh. If you bow your head before this Hukam and accept your destiny of a Sikh, you will be Sukhi, or else you will be Dukhi.

Hukam is for everyone to be a Gursikh but ones who are fortunate enough to be born into Sikhi should take great care in preserving this gift of Vaheguru. They should guard their Sikhi like a precious jewel.

Kulbir Singh

You were raised at level "3" and born in a gursikhi household because of your past karams. Who knows what karams you've incurred to get to the point where you are today. These karams you have built have taken millions of years to incur, so in the grand scheme of things our lives are very minisicule, considering we have living in other forms for millions of lifetimes before being born into a sikhi household.

In Sikhi, you will see that there are many who are born in Gursikhi households, and have it really easy. Their whole family keeps full rehit, and they start jaaping naam at a very young age. Their whole family is supportive of them, and encourage them to engage in Sikhi. While others, have families who give them terrible hardships and do not let them practice Sikhi at all. In the end, a Gursikh has no one to blame but themselves, any positive or negative situation we have been put is a reflection of our past karams. Some people are born Bramgyanees and their minds jor to Naam as soon as they take amrit, others spend years and years keeping amritvela and only take very small steps towards controlling their mind. Its all about the Kamaiee we have built up from our past lives.

Therefor, there is no reason for you to start from level 0 and work your way up again. You need to take advantage of the situation Guru Sahib has put you in. I'm not sure what going to level 0 would mean exactly anyway (stop doing path, stop keeping bibek then starting again?) but whatever the case maybe, it is more then likely that you have already gone through these earlier stages in your past lives, and so there is no need to experience these phases again. Its now time for you to just take a step up, and reach that final stage of Bramgyan. If its encouragement you need, then theres always Books available to encourage you to take the next step (I.e Bhai Sahib's autobiography, Rangle Sajjan)

You've misunderstood me.

I accept that I'm a Sikh. It is not that I want to do non-Sikh things, and leave my Sikhi, to truly understand that I've been blessed to have been born into a Sikh family. What I'm saying is, that others who have to work their way up, have many experiences, and it is this that compels them to move forward, and to keep trying. But I'm already at this stage, without having anything to compel me forward. Yes, I have the sangat, but that is not the same. Yes, I've read books about others, heard personal stories, read translations of gurbani, but I find that it is still not the same as loving this path from your own heart, because you choose to. It's like being put somewhere, told to accept it, and try to work my way up.

It's like being put into Grade 2, instead of Kindergarten, and told to just move, without any past knowledge, experience, or any idea of how to move forward. It's like being told to read without knowing the Alphabets.

Yes, I'm been born into a specific level, which has given me a head start in my Sikhi. Yes, I truly appericiate that. But what now? I'm told to move on, to continue, to move to the next level, but how.

That is why I was asking if I'm already at a particular level, being born into it, then does it not also mean that prehaps to understand how to move forward, and gain experience, I start from the first level, and try to bring my mind up to speed with what I'm to do.

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

The problem is you are thinking "what do I do?". This "I" is making you miserable. You should be saying "Guru Sahib, do what You want to do". Let Him promote you to the next level and carry you across. You just abide by His Hukam and beg Him to make you follow them. Leave it to Him and watch the wonders

"Singh97" It's highly advisable that you find gursikhs of your age locally who come from non-amritdhari families and allow yourself to feel blessed by hearing from them. You will come to know that unlike you, many others have struggled, battled and continue to struggle to keep rehit against their family's wishes. The fact you come from a rehitvaan family and you have been given everything so generously by Guru sahib, is something not many of us can proclaim. In fact, I barely know anyone who comes from such blessed families. There are many gursikh families today but to be bought up in a family that keeps rehit's like bibek, bana etc is very rare.

If you don’t understand something that your family is doing or you're made to follow, it is also down to you to find out more about it by asking them and showing interest in understanding. Sometimes, when you're raised around "traditions" or in your case rehit, you don't realise that you have been because it's a norm to a child and it's only when you reach a certain age that you start to question and doubt what you've known since you haven't understood or worked to understand it yourself.

Coming from a gurmat prespective, you are so blessed. We all reap according to our karams and some of us have to work harder than others to gain gursikhi. You have to understand that gursikhi isn't handed out to just anyone and everyone but only to those who have it in their karma. You have some extraordinary great karams that you have received this gift of gursikhi which is so rare today. Not only have you received this rare gift but the gift of rehits like bibek from childhood make you even more blessed and your karma even greater.

You are so blessed that all you've known is gursikhi and rehit. How BLESSED are you!

Dhan are you! Dhan are your parents!

Singh97,

What to do next? Next thing to do (since you have Rehit) is to have a strong Amritvela, Naam Abhyaas and Gurbani Paath. No matter which level you are in, all levels are just required to do Amritvela Naam Abhyaas and Gurbani Paath. Try to understand what Gurbani is saying and follow the Hukams. There is pure Anand in delving deep in the Ocean of Gurbani.

If you are not feeling inspired to do so, then do Sangat of Gursikhs who are doing the above. Read books of Gursikhs who were blessed. Above all do Ardaas.

Kulbir Singh

If Im not mistaken, I think what our younger brother is saying is that maybe he feels a bit like a robot, doing what hes doing without any feeling? I sympathise a little because its like youve passed an exam without doing any revision.....and it is difficult doing something without love. But like bhai sahib has said, keep doing ardas, keep asking guruji to invoke that love/spark/thirst within your heart for his darshan........

Quote
singh97
...but I find that it is still not the same as loving this path from your own heart, because you choose to. It's like being put somewhere, told to accept it, and try to work my way up.

The above pretty much sums up what you wanted to say.

1. Develope a >genuinely honest< relationship with HIM.
2. I remember telling God once when I started, "I dont have faith and love for you at the moment, I wish I did, like those saints I have heard about. But, I dont at the moment. So if you are THERE, bless my heart with faith and love in you" . In other words, >ardass< . (but, I dont even come from a gursikh family to start with!)
3. Love and faith will come with meditation. There is no love and faith without it. Don't worry, everything takes time to grow.
4. Search within yourself, what the purpose of your life i? why you are here, on this planet? & and why you need a Guru ?
Here is a talk by Bhai Balpreet SIngh which I think is suitable for you :
[www.ikatha.com]
5. What is happiness? when you visualize happiness...what is that you visualize?

If someone told me just by reading and japping Naam can make one happy 9 years ago...I would have thought, "I have heard that many times, but doesn't make sense at all." .

It isn't untill dass personally experienced Naam that is truely did give me a purpose in my life.
Naam is something to be experienced not to be talked about.
Yes, its a truth that "realization of Naam" can on be blessed by SatGuroo...so beg for it.

I live in a non-gursikh family.A broken family as a matter of fact. Father is a smokes. People around me call me a weirdo. Am the only youth most of the time at the local Gurughar(the only place I find happiness). Have no elder gursikhs/abhiyasis whose sangat I can do. No rehitvaan khalsaee sangat where I live though, ungenuine ones are in abundance.
Its basically a very depressing place where I live . Spiritually dull/dead.

Deep down what makes me keep going is,
"I need to make Guru Sahib happy with me " .
"I need to make Guru Sahib happy with me " .
"I need to make Guru Sahib happy with me " .

Chota veer

A good "next step", if you have not already done so, would be to get naam drirh. It is the biggest step you can possibly take in your Sikhi.

ਵਡੇ ਹਥਿ ਵਡਿਆਈਆ ਜੈ ਭਾਵੈ ਤੈ ਦੇਇ ॥ Greatness is only in His Great Hands; He gives to those with whom He is pleased.

singh97 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You've misunderstood me.
>
> I accept that I'm a Sikh. It is not that I want to
> do non-Sikh things, and leave my Sikhi, to truly
> understand that I've been blessed to have been
> born into a Sikh family. What I'm saying is, that
> others who have to work their way up, have many
> experiences, and it is this that compels them to
> move forward, and to keep trying. But I'm already
> at this stage, without having anything to compel
> me forward. Yes, I have the sangat, but that is
> not the same. Yes, I've read books about others,
> heard personal stories, read translations of
> gurbani, but I find that it is still not the same
> as loving this path from your own heart, because
> you choose to. It's like being put somewhere, told
> to accept it, and try to work my way up.
>
> It's like being put into Grade 2, instead of
> Kindergarten, and told to just move, without any
> past knowledge, experience, or any idea of how to
> move forward. It's like being told to read without
> knowing the Alphabets.
>
> Yes, I'm been born into a specific level, which
> has given me a head start in my Sikhi. Yes, I
> truly appericiate that. But what now? I'm told to
> move on, to continue, to move to the next level,
> but how.
>
> That is why I was asking if I'm already at a
> particular level, being born into it, then does it
> not also mean that prehaps to understand how to
> move forward, and gain experience, I start from
> the first level, and try to bring my mind up to
> speed with what I'm to do.
>
> Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh!


Everyone goes through this searching stage, whether you are born into Sikhi or not. Everyone has something they are looking for, that will eventually bring them closer to what they had no idea was even within them.

I was not born into an amritdhari family, although I still felt "forced" to follow certain rules that didn't make any sense to me. When I was young, sometimes our parents would force us to sit down and say "Waheguru Waheguru" for a period of time, but it wasn't a positive environment. Other things I hated were all the rules that seemed to be associated with Sikhi, that seemed to be just the made up rituals of radicals who had no love in them.

It's not until Guru Sahib does kirpa and puts that spark in you, that the true radiant light of the path of Gursikhi shines through and fills you with new love, new understanding, and a new search for something far, far deeper. Bhai Gurdas Ji did write, that if you take one step towards Guru Sahib, he'll take a thousand towards you.

So what now? Take a step towards Guru Sahib, on your own two feet. Even if we have sangat, we're still alone on this journey, and sometimes we have to push along on our own for a while. I understand your point that people not born in Gursikh families have to fight to keep their rehit and bhagti, and that's what keeps them going. But you have your own personal struggle right now. You don't know where you stand. You don't know how to move forward. Maybe you don't feel that spark in you. And that's the hardest struggle of all.

But all it takes is one starting step. As Bhai Sahib said, amritvela is crucial. Also, try doing something you haven't done before, like writing bani. It might take ALOT of effort - but the point is never to let yourself stop trying. If you feel like you're at a standstill, perhaps talk to panj. Maybe there's something that needs to be cleared before you can move forward. And do lots of veechar with Gursikhs, about anything. That can be a truly inspiring push.

If you have no Gursikhs your age and you feel that's the main problem, then do bentee to Guru Sahib to bless you with the sangat of one, two, however many individuals, that can inspire you. Once, I felt really lonely, and wanted the sangat of Gursikhs, so I knocked on the door of a family I'd never talked to and introduced myself. It was really akward, and they must have been wierded out, but from that point on they were very friendly to me and I got to know them much better. All it takes is a little effort.

veer singh97,
Chatrik just passed your age group. So, dass does get what you are trying to say. Don't allow being misunderstood discourage you. Please do reply do post your further queries .

Chota veer

Thanks for the help! I will try to take into account all of your suggestions.

Actually, this was something that a friend of mine asked me. Since I couldn't provide a satisfying answer for her, I decided to post her question here. If she has any other questions, I will post them here. But for now, that's all! Thanks once again.


Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

tell your friend to make an account on Gurmatbibek. Why are you writing for your friend?

I shall do that as well.
Besides, I don't think there is any problem in writing about another's concern because I had not been able to give her a satisfying answer.