Is there hope for me......??

Vaheguru Jee Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Jee Kee Fateh

Piyaree cyber sangat jeeo
This form is a life altering and absolutely phenomenal!! I always look for guidance through this form and it never seems to fail me but at this point in my life my sikhi is faltering and I need your help, please help your moorakh bhain. With guru sahib’s kirpa my amritvela was amazing and it would last from 12-5 am while reciting numerous additional banis, but now I have lost this precious gem and I am not experiencing the anand I once use to experience or let alone even stay awake/wake up and now I don’t think I am even on Guru Sahib’s attendance sheet .
About two months ago I met a girl in my university who I befriended and she quickly started to tie a dastar and started to get ready for amrit di daat (she is not amritdhari yet). She is ready to take amrit and she gets alot of bairag while listening to keertan. Before we met I kept a very strict bibek pehra but the more i started to stay with her I started to falter and I ate food she had made and before i knew it I was drinking Starbucks, eating at Subway and watching indian serials. Before we met she was very much westernized and use to commit all the bujjer kurheits except adultery she is also constantly doing nindiya, and into maya related things regardless of how much I tell her to stop. The more I stay with her the five vices of maya are starting to affect me in every aspect. The ears that once cringed at the thought of listening to nindiya are now enjoying it.I never use to feel the need to talk unless asked a question but now I babble on and on. I feel like staying with her has drained all of my energy and my naam simran, sehaj path, additional banis have all dwindled down to zero. When I look in the mirror my face now looks like a murdha (dead), I feel ashamed of myself. Tears stream my face as I tie my dastar because I use to be so proud to wear guru sahib’s taj but now I do not feel worthy of it. I do not want to abandon her because she will be devastated and will hate sikhi because people with dastars have shown so much hate towards her and also because she is so close to becoming amritdhari. My mind's state at this point is ਕਬਹੂ ਜੀਅੜਾ ਊਭਿ ਚੜਤੁ ਹੈ ਕਬਹੂ ਜਾਇ ਪਇਆਲੇ ॥ ਲੋਭੀ ਜੀਅੜਾ ਥਿਰੁ ਨ ਰਹਤੁ ਹੈ ਚਾਰੇ ਕੁੰਡਾ ਭਾਲੇ ॥੨॥
Please advise me on how I can regain the bakshish I once had.
-Your lost sister

"Anahad" jeeo, you have answered your question yourself in your post. From what you have written above, it seems that doing Sangat with your new friend has had a negative effect on you. Instead of inspiring her into Sikhi, you got influenced by her and started eating from outside and imitating her other Manmukhi habits. The solution lies in pulling yourself back and doing what you used to do when your Amritvela was solid.

Consider this to be a lesson-giving event of your life, seek forgiveness from Guru Sahib and spend more time on Paath, Simran and doing Sangat of Gursikhs. Guru Sahib is always forgiving.

Kulbir Singh

You seem to be putting all the blame on her for your own lack of discipline. Don't blame others for your own short comings and if she is getting ready to take the responsibility of being amritdari then that means that Guru Sahib is blessing her with His blessings. She is dear to Guru Sahib as all of His other children are. It is wrong for one child of Guru Ji to feel superior to His other child. I think that sort of a thinking adds to arrogance. And if you are her true, wiser friend then explain to her that nindaya is wrong and that she won't benefit from it spiritually and neither the person who engages in it with her will. Your friend is trying to be a better person, she is taking steps towards Guru Ji so help her if she wants it and needs it. And if you say that she has been shown so much hate from other dastar wearing sikhs then how are they better gursikhs themselves? Just wearing a dastar does not make one more dear to Guru Ji.

I was amritdari okay and then I had very bad experiences with some (not all) other amritdaris and I was so discouraged that I took my kakkars off and just left sikhi. I had no idea I would come back into sikhi but eventually Guru Ji pulled me back and this time I made a promise to myself that I am just in this because of God and Guru Ji is going to help me meet with God one day so even if other amritdaris are going to be rude and pass hurtful comments I am not going to care because Guru Ji is ever watching and anyone who hurts the other (whether it be me or them), it will come back and then it will be a silent slap in the face.

And remember that we are not born perfect into this world, and people do mistakes so have a bigger heart and forgive them, and forgive yourself because living with guilt will be not good for you in the long run.

You can explain to her that you only eat food that is prepared and then offered to God and only then you can eat. That way you will help her as well. Maybe the two of you can make time to prepare food together and offer it to God and then sit together and eat. I don't think that it was a wrong thing or a mistake that you befriended her because all of our associations are from our past (Asa Di Var confirms that).

Anahad jio,

Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji ki Fateh

It seems like your lot of kamayee is used up to influence your roommate. The reason is this when influence of your Gurmat personality effects some one your mind also acknowledges this. Once your mind acknowledges this then it’s up to mind to stay humble in furthering Gurmat or gets Sookhsham (subtle) haumay. Usually later one affects the mind most and the adverse effect started in the face of loosening one’s Rehat. Once Rehat started to loosen up, the Amritvela also slides. All side effects you mentioned come together. Once Amritvela slided, Rehats loosened up further then a state reaches when everything staled. But there is always a hope Guru Sahib says:

ਹਰਿ ਧਨੁ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ ਵੇਲੈ ਵਤੈ ਕਾ ਬੀਜਿਆ ਭਗਤ ਖਾਇ ਖਰਚਿ ਰਹੇ ਨਿਖੁਟੈ ਨਾਹੀ ॥

You would not loose your kamayee however at this point it is a good idea to attend immediately a Rein Sabayee in a single Chowkarra (sitting) or listen to Sri Akhand Paath Sahib in one prolonged sitting to get instant boost.

ਸਤਸੰਗਤੀ ਸੰਗਿ ਹਰਿ ਧਨੁ ਖਟੀਐ ਹੋਰ ਥੈ ਹੋਰਤੁ ਉਪਾਇ ਹਰਿ ਧਨੁ ਕਿਤੈ ਨ ਪਾਈ ॥

After this you do not have to leave your roommate because she is already influenced very much, but as Bhai Kulbir Singh has mentioned maintain some distance and get back to your Rehats Asap and ask roommate to join in Nitnem because it is also good for her before she get pesh for Amrit di dat.

With Regards,
Daas

Will use the word "I" today , I do understand what you are saying. Trust me. I understand exactly how it feels like.

The right Sangat can make you and the wrong sangat can break you.

Reading your post:

Quote
anahad
Before we met she was very much westernized and use to commit all the bujjer kurheits except adultery she is also constantly doing nindiya, and into maya related things regardless of how much I tell her to stop. The more I stay with her the five vices of maya are starting to affect me in every aspect. The ears that once cringed at the thought of listening to nindiya are now enjoying it.I never use to feel the need to talk unless asked a question but now I babble on and on.

Nindya is a highly venomous lethal poison for Naam Abhiyasis.
Highly Highly Highly venomous lethal poison.
If one does and hears nindya, this is a sign that person is very far away from Naam/Vahiguroo. Nindya is so bad, that dass has observed it can disrupt abruptly the Naam running within ones self which goes on in sehaj avastha.
SriGuruBaniJi says very clearly how bad ninda is:

ਨਿੰਦਾ ਭਲੀ ਕਿਸੈ ਕੀ ਨਾਹੀ ਮਨਮੁਖ ਮੁਗਧ ਕਰੰਨਿ ॥
ਮੁਹ ਕਾਲੇ ਤਿਨ ਨਿੰਦਕਾ ਨਰਕੇ ਘੋਰਿ ਪਵੰਨਿ ॥੬॥
These are Chatriks own observations in his own lowly journey.


Ninda is done purely out of houmei . Thinks about it.Nindya is something where we badmouth/see EVERYONE & EVERYTHING but ourselves as lower/bad.In ninda, we only and only focus on avguns of other, too such an extent that we FORGET to see our own avguns. Can a nindak ever a humble person then? Ninda is a sign a person suffering from a disease called ego.


But, Naam only remains where there is humility.
Guru Sahib has reaffirmed this fact again & again:

ਭਾਉ ਭਗਤਿ ਕਰਿ ਨੀਚੁ ਸਦਾਏ ॥
ਤਉ ਨਾਨਕ ਮੋਖੰਤਰੁ ਪਾਏ ॥੨॥

Ninda is a very bad sin, as just by speaking malicious words we can cause a lot of dukh to other Jeevs/people. People get hurt, homes breakdown, misunderstandings arise, people fight due to rumors & whatever not.

----------------------------This is just touching on Ninda------------------------------

Dass once fell away from my own atamic joy due to being a victim of Ninda myself. I wasn't wise enough back then, in handling the situation. So dass fell away from that Anand, due to constant quarrels in my manmukhi family in which I was swept away. Countless tears shed for YEARS, the rest is history.
So when you say:

Quote
anahad
When I look in the mirror my face now looks like a murdha (dead), I feel ashamed of myself.

I know what you mean.

Advice, young abhiyasis tend not to be spiritual very strong. Hence, its easy to get influenced by manmukhi sangat . So beware of the wrong sangat.
Leave her sangat for good & never 'hang out' with manmukhs again even if they are in gursikhi saroop.

Chota veer

waheguru this is so true chatrik ji.....

if your friend does not realise the importance of not slandering, then there would be nothing wrong in leaving her company and you must not feel guilty. if she realises that she is losing you and starts to look inside herself as to why you did this, maybe she will realise.

But firstly try to explain it to her, you would be guiding her on to the right path. If she does not understand, then still help her, without her knowing, by doing ardas in front of Guru Ji to guide her.

Bhain Jeeo,

I agree with some of the points made in the above posts. Firstly we cannot blame others for things that happen to us, as Satguru Jee says:

ਦਦੈ ਦੋਸੁ ਨ ਦੇਊ ਕਿਸੈ ਦੋਸੁ ਕਰੰਮਾ ਆਪਣਿਆ ||
dhadhai dhos n dhaeoo kisai dhos karanmaa aapaniaa |
Dadda: Do not blame anyone else; blame instead your own actions.

ਜੋ ਮੈ ਕੀਆ ਸੋ ਮੈ ਪਾਇਆ ਦੋਸੁ ਨ ਦੀਜੈ ਅਵਰ ਜਨਾ ||੨੧||
jo mai keeaa so mai paaeiaa dhos n dheejai avar janaa |21|
Whatever I did, for that I have suffered; I do not blame anyone else. ||21||

I think it is a great blessing that you have realised where you are going wrong. Many Amritdharis are living this exact mayadhari lifestyle you have written above and they do not even realise they are doing anything wrong! They are quite happy doing their half-effort ishnaan and concentration-less 7 Banis Nitnem, and the whole of the rest of the day, anything goes! So this is a good thing that you have realised yourself. Also, it is a great blessing that you have not committed any Bujjar Kurehits, Satguru Jee has saved you from falling from Sikhi totally! In Sikhi, we do have ups and downs, but we should learn from the down periods and the mistakes we make, so we don't make them again and stay in chardikalaa

I think it is only total Gurmukhs who can hang around with manmukhi people and fully inspire them to Sikhi, rest of us, we are more likely to get dragged down to their manmukhi level. So we must be very careful, if someone is willing to listen to Sikhi parchaar and most of all adopt it into their life, then it is worth hanging around with them. If not, we must totally avoid their company. In the case you have mentioned, you have said that you don't want to abandon her, then you must take strict stance on this and clarify to hear that in Sikhi, nindiya is atyant mana (strictly forbidden) and show her Gurbani pangtees to support this and if you continue to do this, then I must leave your company.

Also, like chatrik veerjee has written above, I believe that Nindiya is actually the worst thing to do, ever. Even worse than physical sins, because in the 18th Pauree of Sri Jap Ji Sahib Guru Jee lists all the sins in increasing order, Nindiya is the last to appear, and is therefore is the worst. Then, the Master of the Universes Satguru Jee writes their own name under this, this just shows us the humility of Satguru Jee and what is required in the Guru's House. But, if we think, it is actually one of the easiest sins to do, just the moving of mouth or listening of ears and it is happening, it barely requires any effort, unlike doing all the other sins. It can leave us totally void within minutes. We are going to have faces blackened and who knows what else terrible punishments to happen by Dharam Rae if we do nindiya. So we must totally avoid this horrible activity, it is best to not even mention anyone's name behind their backs for gossip purposes.

To regain the bakshish, it's simple, you just have to Ardaas to Satguru Jee and do exactly what you were doing before. There is no guarantee, but at least we can try. Of course there is always hope in the Guru's house it is Maharaaj Jee's Shaheedi Purb today so let us remember this unparalleled sacrifice of Satguru Jee's and put their teachings in our life.

Begging forgiveness for all mistakes.

Personally, I strictly limit my socializing with non practicing Gursikhs but if someone is interest in Sikhi I consider it as my duty to educate them without their habits effecting me.


I believe practicing Bibek consist of whom we socialize with at the same time Bibek also pertains to doing Gurmat Tat Parchaar. If your friend is getting into Sikhi then you should not discourage her. You have to understand she is without Amrit so she is more prone to having manmukhi habits like watching Indian movies, doing nindya. At the same time you cannot lower your standards for her comfort. You must show her the sharp edge of Sikhi through your own example. Guru Sahibs says he is a sacrifice to those who Jaap naam and through their example encourage others to Jaap Naam. SO you must be strict and not let down. If she is destined for Sikhi then your strictness when not shy her away from Sikhi . If she is intimidated by strict Sikhi, then she wasnt meant for Sikhi and its best to move on.

In agreement with other members I believe Nindiya is a lethal sin that will completely drag a person down. Bhai Gurdas Ji has given us a method to help us from spiritually falling when listening to people who slander. Bhai Sahib says when the person is talking bad about another person then regard yourself as the lowest of the low and think of your own demerits instead of the demerits of another person. For example if someone told you

" Jenny is such a joker and a pathetic loser"

in your mind you should think " im such a joker and a pathetic loser"

this way one can be saved from the curse of listening to slander.


Also when your friend starts to talk so much tell her that we should do Naam simran or Paath together because listening to too much idle talk is spiritually unhealthy as well. Another thing is take your friend to sadhsangat. If a hans ( swan) freely swims ( socializes) with the crow then it will eventually drown and die , but if the swan takes the crow to the company of Gurmukh swans then the crow will be saved and the swan will earn Guru Sahibs happiness.

Dont blame anybody for your own weakness and spiritual downfall! You decided to drink Starbucks you decided to watch Indian films. Nobody put a gun to your head and told you to these things. Next time you need to exercise greater Gurmat judgment ( BibeK) when in the company of non- Gursikhs. We cant renounce every person who is not Gursikh or who has manmukhi habits. Unless we become hermits, how on earth can we live and go to work if we adopted such an attitude? We should live like swans in the midst of maya but unaffected.

Sangat Jeeo,

I truly appreciate all of your help .
You are exactly right, it is my own lack of kamaee and self discipline that I fell prey to maya because had I been strong in my rehit these slip-ups would never have occurred. I have grown weary from explaining the negative effects of nindiya /kaam vashnaa and quite frankly I think it is beyond my control to help her with those issues only Gurusahib can save her from that. I tried to tell her that the jumms will put burning hot metal rods through your tounge /ears and she simply said “I don’t want to hear about it.” When she comments on the appearances of the opposite gender I am at loss for words because I remember the majnuu article and tremble. Saying they are all our brothers doesn’t help.The hardest part is that all my classes are with her now, and will be for the next 4-5 months. I have to be with her for one more semester due to my classes but hopefully Gurusahib and your advice will help me overcome that hurdle.

I know that I should take her to the upcoming smagam with me but I myself am in a dire need of a spirtual boost and I feel like if I take her it may cause hinderance because she has never been to a jatha amritvela or smagam. As of now, I am in no state of mind to answer her questions or listen to anything else except the ustaat of Gurusahib. The lack of dhridtaa on part has already done enough damage to what little kamee gurusahib blessed me with. Trying to sudhaar my own jeevan is enough for me, I surrender!!

Tuhadee shotee jayhee unjaan bhain thanks you from the bottom of her heart.
May all of continue to enlighten the lives of lowly creatures like myself.
ਆਪਿ ਜਪਹੁ ਅਵਰਾ ਨਾਮੁ ਜਪਾਵਹੁ ॥

Quote
anahad
The hardest part is that all my classes are with her now, and will be for the next 4-5 months. I have to be with her for one more semester due to my classes but hopefully Gurusahib and your advice will help me overcome that hurdle.

phen jee,
Dass has had a similar experience in my 1st semester. Chatrik started keep minimal communication with him.

Dass always does ardass to Guru Sahib to save Chatrik from bad sangat which may bring Chatrik away from SriGuruJi. As the fear of falling is always there, as dass can't find sangat of Abhiyasi Rehitvaan Gursikhs where dass lives.

Your friend is none of your concern. If Gursikhi is in her Karma, Vahiguroo will ultimately guide her toward SatGurooJis sharan. If she doesn't, then it was never meant to be.
Don't hesitate to lie to avoid doing her sangat.
A lie that bring us closer to Vahiguroo/Naam is much greater than speaking the truth that will separate us from HIM. Don't hesitate to lie to avoid he sangat, when she pushes you to 'hang out' with her.
Since you will be in the same class, get an iPod/Walkman to listen to keertan to avoid talking to her much. Be creative


Do only these 2 things from today onwards. Bhagti & Your grishti duties(studies in your case) . Whenever the 3rd comes in, this is when we get distracted from our true goal. Maya shows no mercy.
You have to kick out ALL the bad habit you have picked from her sangat(TV)
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Getting Abhiyaas back on track:

1. Restart again the previous routine you had.

2. 2 Sri Sukhmani Sahib daily. Do 1 in the morning & 1 later in the day.(if you are unable to do them together)

3. Dass 100 % agrees with BHai Jasjit Singh jis suggestion.

4. Attend Gurughar to listen to Naam/Gurbani/Keertan 2-3 times a week. This will help reduce/diminish negative vibrations you have been affected by.

5. Keep the mind occupied with Naam all day. No slacking. If you can't ring naam in your surtee, then do it in a whispering mode. When doing physical seva, it will only be safal if we do it while japping naam humbly & with love.

6.. To beg for forgiveness from Sri Guru ji. Make it a point to do jorian di sewa at a Gurughar where you observe abhiyasis/Gurbani Rasiyas come to do sangat. When wiping each joraa(pair of shoe), consider that you are cleaning SatGuru Nanak Dev jis jooraa sahib itself. Do it with utter humility and love in hope of SriGuruJis forgiveness. While doing seva keep the mind occupied with Naam or sing this shabad:

ਸਲੋਕ ਮ: ੫ ॥

ਸਾਜਨ ਤੇਰੇ ਚਰਨ ਕੀ ਹੋਇ ਰਹਾ ਸਦ ਧੂਰਿ ॥

ਨਾਨਕ ਸਰਣਿ ਤੁਹਾਰੀਆ ਪੇਖਉ ਸਦਾ ਹਜੂਰਿ ॥੧॥

If there is a Amritwela Abhiyaas by Jatha going on . Attend the Amritwela session. Sit at the back. In the middle leave for about 10 minutes to do jorian di seva and then sneak back in. As one can obtain dhur of all those who are meditating on Vahigurooo at Amritwela.Collect dhur while doing Naam breath by breath with love.

7. Always say this in your ardass daily:
"ਪਿਆਰੇਆ , ਆਪਣੀ ਸ਼ਰਣ ਤੋ ਕਦੇ ਪਰ੍ਹੇ ਨਾ ਕਰੀ !"

"ਪਿਆਰੇਆ, ਨਾ ਵਿਸਰੀ , ਨਾ ਵੇਸਾਰੀ .
ਪਿਆਰੇਆ, ਨਾ ਭੁੱਲਾ , ਨਾ ਭੁੱਲਾਈ ."

8.What ever effort you make from this point onwards.
Do it out of Love...
With Love...
And for HIS Love.

Chota veer

I have also experienced similar situations. Talking to bemukhs/patis/manmukhs should be totally avoided, unless u highly need to. If u befreind such individuals, then both ur jeevan and avasthaa go in the downfall. It is also very hard to get back on track. Hence the Hukam by Guru Sahib to only do roti-beti di Saanjh with Gursikh implies.

May Guru Sahib do Kirpaa upon us to fulfill is Commands and not try to be like others because the aftermath is very terrible and hard to handle and overcome.


Bhul Chuk Maaf


Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

I don't agree with the lying part. There is no need for you to lie, just be straight up okay. If she truly has love for God then I'm sure she will understand you when you explain to her. Your lying might confuse her and may not make her realise her fault and you need to tell her the truth in order to really help her, even if she hates you for it, which I highly doubt. What kind of a friend would you be if you didn't tell her, her fault? How else will she improve?

Go ahead and lie to her if you wanna be selfish or be a man, in your case woman...

Just tell her the problem dude and discuss it out like an adult, unless you are a little chicken...lying doesn't resolve issues like this, it's just a confusion recipe..

Yes I agree with Leafy jee, lying and sneaking around to avoid people is not the behaviour of the Khalsa. Unlike Islam, in Sikhi we are not allowed to lie even for the sake of faith or to protect a fellow devotee. If asked a difficult or awkward question one can either 1) Tell the truth or 2) Refuse to answer the question and remain quiet. Lying is not an option. From what I have learnt from sangat of Gursikhs, lying in Sikhi is only acceptable in nimrata (humility) for example, if someone praises a Gursikh to their face saying something like "You are really great, you do so much paath and naam abhiyaas!" The Gursikh would reply "I am a great sinner, I never do any paath or naam abhiyaas."

Strict stance must be taken, this can be done without being "mean" or cruel, just matter of fact.

Bhain Jee, you have said she says "“I don’t want to hear about it.”" when you tell her about consequences of nindiya, so next time you must say the same thing when your friend begins any nindiya or idle gossip with you, and if she continues, just walk away.

I think you should take her to the upcoming smagam, it might only inconvenience you for a few days, but it could bring about a great change in your friend. If not successful, then don't take her next time.

You know, in the West we hear the phrase "Don't know what you got till it's gone" I used to listen a lot to the song of this also, anyway, I think this applies in Sikhi as well. Sometimes we don't appreciate the Kirpa of Guru Jee, then when we waste it due to our own bad actions, we end up feeling terrible. Gyani Nahar Singh Jee wrote in the foreword of Rangle Sajjan "It's not easy to gain spirituality and to maintain is yet more difficult".

Another short tale, one time some people who used to do the sangat of Baba Nand Singh Jee came up and asked:

"Baba jee, is there anything more difficult than japping naam?”
Baba Jee replied “Hanjee”
The satsangis asked “What is that then?”
Baba Jee said “Keeping it safe.”

I also saw on a bumper sticker on a car in Panjab it was written in English and it said “God gives and forgives. Man gets and forgets” I was amazed, so true...

Lying is unacceptable. Its true. Lying to save ones dharma is not in anyway wrong from what dass has learned from a gursikh.

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Veer Jaskirat Singh
Yes I agree with Leafy jee, lying and sneaking around to avoid people is not the behaviour of the Khalsa. Unlike Islam, in Sikhi we are not allowed to lie even for the sake of faith or to protect a fellow devotee. If asked a difficult or awkward question one can either 1) Tell the truth or 2) Refuse to answer the question and remain quiet. Lying is not an option.

Dass begs to differ.
When SatGuroo Gobind Singh jee disguised as Ouch Da Pir, Nabi Khan & Ghani Khan carrying Satguroo passed a Mughal checkpoint. They said SatGuroo was an Ouch Da Pir to pass the checkpoint.
The Mughal soldiers having devotion for Muslim Fakeers and Pirs also desired to offer some food the the Pir ji(SatGuroo ji) . To which another excuse was made that Pir ji(SatGuroo ji) was keeping roza(fasting) today.
We all know very well what is Tat Gurmats stance on fasting is.
( someone correct dass if the details are inaccurate, this is how dass recalls it when the gursikh discussed it)

The point here is to guard the greater interest, which is ones dharma.

btw,We are getting strayed away from the purpose of this thread, if doubts remain then please do start another thread.

Also, in Islam it is allowed to use lies and deception against non-believers .

Chota veer

Waheguru jee
this one is another anahad ...with everything same like having 12-6 amritvela..etc..etc..but i lost when some veer in my sangat proposed me one after another...and one of them(i used to love him as a father coz he was my professor(amritdhari singh) ) tried doing something wrong like hugging me...holding my hand..talking so closely....
i am alone amritdhari in my family ..and blessed with amrit 8 years ago...till now fighting with my family for everything ...i was in hostel when this happened ....after that i went into depression (like crying whole day and night )coz i beleived that Ek Pita Ekas Ke Hum Barik..and Par Beti Ko Beti Jaanai.....but what happened was really terrible ...i got my stream changed and left talking them all(i tried very hard to tell them that this is not sikhi..u should see each and every girl like sisters and daughters but nothing happened)...i never did sangat again(very less)...but i never got up again like the one i had to be ...i am now with my parents and they don't let me go out... one thing i am left with is tears in my eyes when studying,sleeping,reading stories of Gursikhs from Gurmat Bibek....the innocence,love,bairaag have disappeared....don't know when i'll get back to those days of swaass swaass simran once again....So Din Mokou Dijai Prabh Jeo Jaa Din Har Jass Gaaye....

anonymous i'm sorry you had to go through this. but this is kalyug, things like these do happen. women have been abused by their actual fathers in this world. so if a woman can be abused by her own father who brought her into this world then a man whom you look upon as a father but who isn't, he can develop non-fatherly feelings towards you. he might get the wrong idea by your friendliness, even if you don't intend that.

my advise to you would be, please protect yourself, don't get too friendly with anyone, even if you see them as a fatherly figure or a brotherly figure. make Guru Waheguru your father. The shabad ek pita ekas key ham barik refers to Waheguru as being our father, not a human father. Please make your Creator God your father.

Something like this happened with me too. There was a singh I looked up to a lot, and thought of him as a fatherly figure. He is very devout. At time I would notice him looking at me and will smile, I always thought it was fatherly and I had a lot of respect for him. I do still respect him a lot because of his devotion to God, that is it basically the only reason. Anyways I used to call him uncle ji and his wife with whom I was friends with, I used to call her aunty ji. I would go to their house from time to time, to meet the aunty ji, cos I just liked them I guess. Anyways one day his wife told me that your uncle ji thinks something else. From that day onwards I stopped talking to both of them and their children too. Didn't go their house anymore (even though I only mainly used to go to their house when the aunty ji would be home and her husband not there).

From now onwards, I just keep to myself and would advise you to do the same. Sit in sangat and listen to/do kirtan but don't get too involved with anyone. You father is the Lord and Guru Sahib ....See Him in every being, in every animal, creature, in the concrete you walk upon, in the clouds above your head, in the thunder, in the rain, in every colour and in every smell.

Stay safe, keep a pepper spray !

Satbachan Bibi jeo!